So much has changed since that entry over a year ago. After figuring out some technical glitches, I am hoping to get back to blogging some more for posterity's sake. But I am also hoping to chronicle two personal projects I have for this year: one is to train towards a 10K and the other is to make some clothes. I am in the process of moving forward with both goals today, but I wanted to add another dimension to making them a reality. I began thinking about what I could do in that regard, and it suddenly dawned on me that I had a dormant blog waiting for content. Boom. Plus, I kinda miss writing.

Obviously, my most important goal is to raise my boys to be happy and healthy. I would scrap both of my above goals if I thought pursuing either one would cause any harm to the kiddos. So I might mention them from time to time here, too.

Like, maybe, right now?

So, Mateo: He is already in kindergarten. Wa wa what?? The transition has been a little intense, although it is only two weeks in. I think a lot of the intensity comes from the fact that Mateo has been a napper his whole life, and kindergarten does not include naps. Most kids I know have dropped the nap by 4 or 5, but not Teo. So he has to go! go! go! from 6:30 am until I pick him up in the late afternoon, and I think he is just exhausted and overwhelmed by the time I get there. The last few days, he has cried over the smallest and strangest things. I am trying to stay zen overall, and most importantly in those moments when he is freaking out, but it is a little tough at times. On the positive side, he is writing and reading and he has already said, "My friend so-and-so" with several different names filled in that blank. He has learned some dances and songs, and I think he really enjoys his classroom. Homey is just TIRED.

Zane: where do I start with the cute? Right now he is walking a lot but still falls on his tush. He started crawling around 8 months and took his first steps the day before his first year birthday, so we are now in the wobbly drunken midget phase, if you will. Words he knows include the following: baloon, ball, go, mama, dada, dog, night-night, pee-pee, poop, water, milk, bowl, apple, bye-bye, hi, no, uh-oh. He is wearing size 2T already, so I am pretty sure he is a giant by toddler standards. He eats a lot of food, and occasionally does so for 1-2 hour eating marathons. He likes odd foods such as pepperoni and olives. He has also turned out to be a big flirt and a bit of a prankster.

Both boys love to dance and we spend a lot of time playing/singing music together and holding dance parties in our living room. Jeff invented a song called "Go Crazy!" in which the kids, well, go crazy. We went on a lot of adventures this summer, including: camping at Olallie Lake, a family trip to Sun River, a long drive to see the grandparents in Idaho, a day trip to the coast to go crabbing, and a week-long road trip to San Francisco and back. Our kids are awesome travellers! They really are adventurous and fun to take along. I am so grateful that they travel well.

While in Sun River, the majority of the adults in our family signed up for a 5K and the kids did a fun run. This was a great experience. I had been training for the 5K (alongside my sister, Kari!) for almost two months and it was great to see I was able to do it! The experience has pushed me towards my current 10K goal. For the first time in my life, I am enjoying running in a different way. It is so amazing to feel my body adapting to the exercise and then being able to be pushed a little further. We have another 5K in about ten days. After an annoying foot injury, I think I am back in the game and I am excited to give this run a shot.

And sewing. I have had two months off before I start a new job (oh yeah, I finished grad school and got a job, too...). It has been amazing. Much of it was spent on the adventures outlined above, but I have also dedicated a lot of time/energy to learning to sew. This has been a goal for me since 2007, but as a single mom, it was impossible to make happen. I put it on the back burner for awhile. I picked it back up again in 2009 when I took an introductory sewing course. That was great, but still not enough, as sewing is a pretty mighty beast.

This year, I have started to learn in earnest. I have taken a couple different courses, and I have now successfully sewn a few different things: baby wraps, some skirts, various clothing items for the kiddos, a tote, and a knit shirt. I have so many projects in my head and am starting to be able to look at a pattern and imagine the construction. This is such an amazing space to be in, where I am finally able to envision both execution and finished product. So great.

When I sew, time seems to move at lightning speed. I can begin a project and suddenly three hours have sped by. This is how I know I am truly doing something I love. Because of this, I am thinking of keeping track of my projects here, as a way to look back on my progress. I may make a separate site, not sure. At any rate, I am going to finish up a skirt today and then my next project I will try to get recorded. I am thinking next up will be something from Meg McElwee's course on knits.

So. Anyway. It's been a great year. Just take my word for it. :)

In the end, we had a more medical experience than we had hoped, but both Zane and I were healthy and strong once the 20-hour labor ended. I am so grateful that I got to experience going into labor on my own, and that we had such a great team working with us for delivery. My recovery was fantastic - we left the hospital the next morning and went on a walk around the neighborhood on our first night home. I feel I healed almost immediately.

Zane has proven to be a pretty straightforward baby thus far. He eats a lot, has his days and nights backwards, and has not proven to cry all that much. He also lets me put him down sometimes, which his big brother was never a fan of me doing. Speaking of his big brother, Teo has taken to his new role extremely well - better than I expected. I am so proud of him, and I have teared up on more than one occasion because of what an incredible young boy he is.

So. More details to come. In the meantime, here's the newest member of our family on his second day of life.

A few days ago, I had several hours of light but regular contractions, once every 7 minutes. I am supposed to call the midwives when I have painful contractions once every 5-10 minutes, so that was sort of a confusing state to be in. I decided to send Mateo to my parents', just in case, and then wait the night out. I was in for a long evening, as the contractions made sleeping difficult and the possible excitement made it even more so. However, I eventually fell asleep and woke up at 5 am, experiencing the same contractions once every 10 minutes. Eventually, they spaced back out to their once every 20-60 minute holding pattern I have been in for about a week.

The physical side effects of that were less bothersome than the emotional ones, because I was super excited that maybe it was going to be the big day. Turns out that was wrong (all wrong!) and so now, here we are again, back in the waiting game.

Yesterday was my 41+ week appointment, and I learned a few things.
1) Everything looks great, except that I am supposed to have a baby outside of my body instead of inside of it. Small detail. Otherwise, baby and mama are doing fine
2) I have not gained a pound since 36 or 37 weeks, which means that this baby has had somewhere between 4 to 5 weeks' worth of packing on the pounds to indulge in. I figured my caloric intake has just gone straight to him, and now I am worried we have a big fella on our hands.
3) I am still no further progressed than I was at my previous appointment, which sort of makes me want to gauge my eyes out.

But the key piece of information that I learned is that the midwives won't let me go past 42 weeks, so that means there will be an induction if my body doesn't get its act together shortly. So... there is an end in sight. I have really, really, really wanted to avoid an induction with this baby, mainly because I don't know if it will be my last or not and I would like to have the experience of going into labor on my own. I also would like to attempt a waterbirth, and I know from experience that the pitocin is so brutal that I may not be able to make that happen if I get induced. So. Blargh. I have a few more days to go and I hope he decides to come out and say hi.

In an attempt to get things moving, the midwife stripped my membranes yesterday. I had never had that done before, and was told it was pretty excruciating, but it honestly didn't hurt me. However, I went home and immediately started experiencing really horrible, awful, bad, terrible cramping in my abdomen and lower back. I also started having real, genuine contractions that I was having a hard time talking/moving through. The frightening thing about yesterday was that the cramping was so severe that I had a hard time recognizing what was a contraction until it was really at its peak, because I was in so much pain at baseline already. Jeff was asking if I thought this could be the beginning of labor, and maybe we should start timing the contractions, and I honestly freaked out and had a little panic attack. It occurred to me that I was going to have to be the one to make the call as to whether or not my parents should come get Mateo and/or we should head to the hospital. I honestly had no idea, because the pain was unrelenting and I didn't know what to make of it. I ended up just crying for a short spell while Jeff put Mateo to bed, and then I pacedthe house for a bit.

After about an hour of horrible, awful pain, it finally subsided. I am back to the more comfortable cramping and lower back pain that I experienced just after the sweep. Apparently, sweeping the membranes doesn't always work, and we should know if it did within 24-48 hours. It has now been 24 hours...

I'm hoping the universe works in my favor and gets this baby in my arms soon. This has been a long wait, and the last few days have been sort of tortuous with all these fake-outs and what not. The good news is that I woke up feeling energized this morning, and I am just so grateful to have gotten a good night's sleep after spending the entire day in some form of pain yesterday.

Next appointment is on Friday, if we make it that far, at which point we will schedule an induction. Fingers crossed, fingers crossed...

Last weekend was tough. Saturday and Sunday were normal, but then Teo had no school on Monday or Tuesday because of the holiday, so we ended up having four fantastic days together. And while I love that kid with all my heart and think he is the best ever, I simply do not have the energy reserves that a four-year-old requires over a four-day weekend. Plus, Sunday was hella hot and I was just bumming from being overdue and feeling like this baby is never going to get here. Luckily, I went over to my parents for the afternoon, where my dad played with Mateo in the backyard and I sat in a comfortable chair surrounded by air conditioned air.

The last few days, I have had some pretty significant cramping and contractions pretty much once an hour all day long. None of it is so painful that it makes me think I am in labor in any way, but it is all pretty uncomfortable and getting OLD. Jeff has been a super star and doesn't get at all annoyed by my whining, or at least he doesn't demonstrate any annoyance toward me.

The most frustrating thing about this whole process is that I have little to no control over it. I would like to avoid an induction, if possible, which means that the only real thing I can do is sit around and wait. I know about all the old tricks -- some people swear by them but most have been proven to be ineffective. I am doing what I can to stay active and busy, without completely exhausting myself or causing any sort of extreme discomfort. In the end, though, the baby will decide to come when he is ready, and I need to work on making peace with that. Not an easy thing to do at this stage in the game. We are so ready on our end!

Another thing is that every day he spends inside is yet another day that I don't get to spend with him before going back to school. I will be starting back part-time and I will take it slow, but I would love to have as many days with him as possible before having to start the day care thing.

I know he will get here. Eventually. And that it will be fine and this whole thing shall pass. I am just so impatient! C'mon little man, we want to meet you!!!

I went to the midwife yesterday and I am at 1 cm and 50%, which was not super promising. I was hoping it would be something awesome and she would say, "Looks like you won't make it to your due date!" Instead, she said, "So we'll talk about inductions at your next appointment." That was not exactly what I wanted to hear.

I would really like to avoid an induction with this guy, so I am hoping my patience lasts. If I go a week over, though... ugh. I have been given assorted due dates. The first was June 28, which is today. I told Jeff this would be a great day for a baby, since 6.28.2011 makes a nice mathematical formula (take 6 out of 28 and you have the same thing as 20+1+1). He immediately called me a nerd. At least I own it. The second due date I was given was July 3, and the final due date is July 4. Since July 3 is a Sunday and July 4 is a holiday, I didn't make my next midwife appointment for until July 5. That is ONE FULL WEEK away. I would like to request everyone take a moment to send some fantastic energy this way in the hopes that I never have to go to that appointment.

Besides the insane boredom of waiting for labor to start, I really can't complain. My legs feel better, I have a bit more energy, I am comfortable and sleeping well. From what I understand, this is not how the final days of pregnancy fare for most ladies. So... I should quit my yapping and just be grateful. I get it.

But I want to meet this kid!!!

Laura came out for a lovely visit and we were both somewhat physically limited by injuries. She has hurt her neck and I am having leg issues from the pregnancy. Neither of us are completely bed-bound, but it was nice to have a visitor who wasn't frustrated by spending quality time sitting in chairs.

During her visit, I got to see Mateo interacting with Laura's fantastic 8-month-old daughter. Can I just say that I might have cried a few times watching Teo be so gentle and caring towards the baby? It made me all the more impatient to meet the newest member of our family.

Pregnancy-wise, I still can't complain. My weight gain has stabilized at a nice number, and I have a feeling it will stay here until the end. My appetite is pretty much MIA, most likely because the remaining space in my stomach is so limited. As mentioned, I am having some leg pain from the pubic symphasis diastasis -- mainly on the right side. Sometimes it is totally fine, and other times I can't walk without the help of a wall or table. It didn't start bothering me in any significant way until two days ago, but it was pretty debilitating when it got really bad. The pain comes and goes, though, so we shall see.

Meanwhile, little man is active as ever. All of my check-ups have been grand, and he is growing right on target. We have set up the details for the birth to some degree, though I should probably write up a little birth plan and get some other details nailed down in the next few days. Today is my first day off after finishing school, since Laura came the Monday following, so I am a little dizzy at the idea of how many things I can accomplish. We already have the crib set up and the clothes washed, so I feel a few steps ahead of the game. Next up, I'd like to make some playlists for labor and do a serious revamp of our house's organization system for some clothing and linen issues. Now that we are having a second boy, it makes it so very much worth my while to have all of Teo's old clothes organized.

These are luxurious tasks that I have been itching to do since I started grad school last fall. I'm going to relish these next few days of prep to the best of my ability... and hopefully I will be distracted enough that I won't be counting down the hours until my due date!

Ok, so, yes, I slack. In my defense, Movable Type was not cooperating. All that is in order now. Hallelujah.

And then, second, there is this pesky grad school business keepin' me busy. And the three-almost-four-year-old of fantasticness who eats up all of my free time. We have been trying to get him adjusted to the fact that I won't be able to spend every waking second with him when the baby gets here. That will be an experience.

So anyhow, 34 weeks now. I am starting to feel whale-ish in appearance, which is about when I remember this feeling sinking in last time around. Yesterday, at the dentist's office, one of the dental hygienist's saw me at the front desk and said, "Oh, wow, you are so unbelievably cute! When are you due?" I honestly could not believe she was talking to me, and I looked around for someone else who might be cuter and less pregnant than me. Cute? Cute? You don't call a girl who is almost 6' and is carrying around a beach ball in her abdomen cute! Don't get me wrong, I loved it... but geez, not the adjective I feel at all resembles my being at the moment. I just feel... big.

Currently, life is very much on standby. I end my first year of grad school in less than three weeks (YIPEEEE!!!!), and I just need to make it across the finish line at this point. Summer is finally here in Portland, which makes working very difficult. Combine that with the fact that I don't really want to be upright past 9 pm, and the fact that Teo does not want to sit around patiently while I work, and you have a recipe for procrastination. I will get there, though. Everything will get done. I will get there. It will get done. I will get there.

I have a ton of things I want to do before the baby arrives, but of course all of those things will have to happen after school gets out. So wish me luck for the next few weeks... hopefully I'll have time to update more (and better) once my schoolwork is all taken care of and handed in to the appropriate professors. June 9 is the magic day.

So, first, it's a boy. Yay! I wouldn't have cared either way, of course, as long as the baby was healthy and happy. Nothing drove that point home more than when we had an abnormal finding on our ultrasound, and were put through the painful process of getting further testing done. Those were some very difficult weeks, and I am happy to report that everything seems to have checked out fine. We had another ultrasound a few days ago as a six-week follow-up, just in case, and everything still looks good. Our doctor has been wonderful; I can't help but think that anybody who chooses perinatology is required to have a way with people, especially super-concerned, hyper-paranoid pregnant women. He scheduled one more follow-up with us in eight weeks, when I will officially be VERY pregnant.

Other than those issues, this pregnancy is not all that much different than my pregnancy with Mateo. I am thankful that the physical side effects of pregnancy have thus far not been too bad for me with either child. I was incredibly exhausted the first trimester, more so than I remember with Mateo, but my life is also a lot more hectic now than it was then. School was a definite struggle because I often felt like I was looking at everything through a fog. I liken it to having a caffeine headache for three straight months. Second trimester was a breeze, physically, though a large chunk of it was spent dealing with the worrying and fears provoked by our initial ultrasound. As far as my belly goes, in the last two weeks, I have really popped. This week, I have had at least ten people make a comment about it. Accordingly, I am starting to feel some of the late pregnancy discomforts. For now, they are minor and I am still motoring around just fine.

Jeff has been great throughout this pregnancy; he is so excited. We went to Belize as a delayed honeymoon/early babymoon two weeks ago, and stayed in a hotel without telephone, tv, or internet. It was so relaxing and wonderful, a great way to celebrate our marriage and our impending arrival. In lieu of television, a lot of our time was spent watching my belly jump and contort in function of the baby's movements. It was entertaining. I get all teary-eyed when I think about how wonderful it is to go through this experience with someone who is just as invested in the process as I am. Every woman should have someone by their side during pregnancy, and it is something I will never take for granted.

Mateo is very excited as well; I'd say that he now brings up his baby brother at least once every day. A few days ago, he suggested that I should try to have twins (we had read a book with twins in it a few days prior), and I politely declined. I am so excited and nervous to see how Teo is going to react to his new role. He's been my special guy for so long, and I give him so much love and attention, I am worried he is going to feel neglected or saddened by someone else getting a lot of mama time. And the truth is, babies require a lot of attention. I don't know, we'll work through it. For now, I am trying to soak up a lot of Teo-and-Mama time because I know we won't get to be just the two of us anywhere near as often in a few months. Plus, he is at a stage which I truly love: talking a lot, making up stories, using his imagination in new and interesting ways. He is goofy and clever and, for the most part, pleasant. He is still a three-year-old, but I see him shift away from toddlerhood and towards boyhood more and more each day.

One glorious thing about this baby is that I have almost nothing to buy. My sister has diligently kept all of her baby stuff (I sold a lot of mine due to moves), and we have all the essentials ready to roll. This is such a luxurious position to be in, as compared to the chaos of setting up three different living situations within Teo's first year of life. The plan for now is to rearrange the boys' room -- they're sharing -- and I will need to buy a dresser. I will probably splurge on something new for this baby, maybe just a bedset or something, so that I can experience some of the baby shopping fever, but there's really no need. In general, we are pretty much ready for this guy's arrival, just need to organize. It's hard to coordinate this stuff while in grad school, but fortunately I should have a few weeks left at the end of the term before the baby arrives. I'll have a big ole belly by then, but so be it.

If I recall correctly, this is really when pregnancy speeds up. The first trimester drags on by, waiting to get to that crucial 12-week point. The second trimester just sorta hum-drums along, and the third trimester flies by, with the exception of those final weeks. I can't believe we are already here. I can't wait to meet this little guy and welcome him to our wacky family. This summer is going to be one very exciting adventure!

Two weekends ago, Jeff and I got married in lovely Cannon Beach. The wedding was so much fun, and not at all stressful or scary. It was exactly what I had hoped for, and I am so glad that everyone seemed to have a good time.

Jeff's family all came out, and I met his sisters for the first time. They are all so fantastic and fun in their own ways. The only bummer was that Jeff was not feeling great much of the weekend - just coughing and achy. Other than that, I wouldn't have changed a thing about our wedding! I feel fortunate to have been a happy, relaxed, giggling, and delighted bride. I know lots of ladies who were miserable from stress and exhaustion by the time their wedding day came, so I am happy we went the mellow route. Much more our speed... :)

Everyone got in on Friday. After making their way to the beach and getting settled, we all (except Jay and Gail, who hit traffic) had pizza together in the upstairs of a restaurant. The weather in Cannon Beach is usually cool, but that night it was exceptionally warm. Afterwards, we all decided to have a bonfire on the beach. I was so impressed by Jeff's family who had spent the whole day traveling -- they still made it out onto the beach with children in tow! Amazingly, that night there were shooting stars; we spent some time joking about how Jeff got them for me from the half-off bin at Target.

After about an hour on the beach, a crazed man and his children ran over to let us know that there were bioluminescent plankton in the tide pools. He was so excited that he didn't notice that he actually knew us: he had been our waiter at the pizza place! Thank you, Matthew, for telling us about the plankton -- it was so. freakin. COOL! I had never seen that before and it was the neatest thing to run out into the water with your feet glowing beneath you. It made the night all that much more magical, and it just further reinforced that we had chosen a great time/location to get married.

Saturday, wedding day, we all wandered out to the beach for a few hours in the morning to fly kites in the fog. The kids had a great time and the photos are awesome. Everyone just relaxed and enjoyed one another's company; it was exactly as I had hoped it would be. After naps, we got ready for the ceremony. Carrie, Jeff's sister, did my hair while Kari, my sister, took photos. Yes, that's right: two older sisters named Carrie/Kari. We drank champagne and chatted -- it was so fun just gabbing with those ladies.

The actual ceremony was just fantastic. My brother officiated while the kids played in the sand. Half the people were barefoot. Marlene, Jeff's sister, decided to make an aisle for me out of rocks, which was just adorable. Jeff's dad played "Tender Loving Care" on the banjo, and then all the kids sang/played "You Are My Sunshine" on the little recorders and harmonicas we had brought along for them. The cuteness overload was killing me. I was laughing and smiling almost the entire time (except when the bee found its way into my scarf mid-ceremony). Jeff and I decided to do a sand ceremony with Mateo so that he could be a part of it. Eleanor and Howie joined in, too, throwing a little bit of Cannon Beach into the mix after the ceremony was over. Hilarious.

Afterwards, we all went to dinner and had a nice, laid-back meal. The kids got amped up on sugar and much excitement ensued thanks to Jay. Marlene proclaimed Jay the favorite uncle after his calisthenics in the restaurant courtyard. I was pretty tired by that point, but just so happy. It was such a wonderful weekend. I thank and credit my parents for making it such a success (we were originally hoping to get married at city hall, with only our witnesses present...). They did 99% of the planning and were so giving. I can't thank them enough for being flexible enough to do the wedding as we had wanted it, and for being such wonderful parents in general.

Here are the three sets of fantastic pictures taken by Kari. I am so grateful to her for all the time and effort she put into these.

Set 1: Friday night dinner and bonfire

Set 2: Morning before the ceremony

Set 3: Wedding ceremony

Set 4: Post-ceremony dinner