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Mateo has really started grabbing things in the last few days. Sitting at the kitchen table with me as I opened mail, he suddenly knocked several envelopes to the ground. Holding him in my right hand while drinking tea from my left, I was surprised to see his five little fingers rach out for my (hot!) cup. And as of today, his new thing when being held face-out, as he prefers, is to put his hand on or in my mouth by reaching up behind himself and blindly feeling around until he gets the jackpot.
His other thing is to put everything in his mouth. Other people's fingers are first choice, but otherwise toys, stuffed animals, and apparently his own clothing (during diaper changes) are all fair game. He also makes use of his own body parts -- the feet are not far behind, but for right now he is sticking to his own fists.
These changes feel like they take about two days to refine and then he obsessively works them to perfection. Just a moment ago, he was on my lap, facing outwards. His right hand was searching for my mouth again, and this time, it discovered my nose. Before I knew what was happening, he had turned his head around and was twisting to get the tip of my nose fully between his fierce gums.
In other words, he's discovered multitasking.
I got in trouble today. Beccarah was a bit upset that I hadn't posted any more photos. So, I threw some more up on flickr in no particular order. Have at it. There are so many more but I am just waiting for the laundry to finsh and then am on my way to bed. Way to big of a beast for me to tackle this evening.
Meanwhile, I am starting to see food at the supermarket with expiration dates that are on or after my flight out of Paris. In other words: departure is imminent.
I got very sad about the whole thing while on the bus today, peering out at the familiar streets knowing that I might not see them again for a long, long time. I suddenly want to rush to Belleville to eat some bad Chinese food and then speed off to the Marais to sit in a cafe for awhile before zipping up to Montmartre to walk along the quiet residential streets just one last time. Of course, most of this won't happen because a) I have a baby to take care of and b) I have a move to plan. Oh, and c) I am usually too tired to be bothered. But, but. While on the bus, I do have moments of wanting to breathe in this city fully before leaving. I know Paris won't go anywhere, and it will change little in my absence. But I also know that I will change in the meantime, and I would like to just freeze my life as it is right now so that I can take it out and look at it again whenever I please. I guess that's what a photo is for, but it would seem very odd to have photos of all the Parisian streets that hold my memories. There are just way, way too many.
My boss asked for his camera back, so no "accidentally" taking it with me for this cowgirl.
As a result, we took a lot of pics in the last 24 hours that I will upload to flickr sometime when I have two hands free and have slept more thann five hours (3rd night in a row here).
Yet. Yet. I have a gem to tide you over until then.
Read more »I just watched "Sicko" the other day, so the awesomeness of French health care has been at the forefront of my mind. Granted, the carpeting/paint job/aesthetics of the offices and hospitals here leave something to be desired, but overall the health care system here is pretty kickass.
As you know, yesterday Mateo got his vaccines. He was unhappy, and today he was even more so. I did lots and lots of breastfeeding because he was very fussy at the boob. In the end, I spent a long time feeding him but I don't think he was eating all that much. Mainly, I think he needed the normal amount of food but an extra amount of sleep, and because he is such a catnapper, this was rather exceptional.
At 14:30, he was deep in a full-scale nap, and I thought I might indulge as well. I had been feeling super tired all day, and plus I had a major headache because I have gone back to clenching my teeth at night (not good). We went to bed together and I didn't fall asleep for another hour or so, my headache was getting in the way.
By the time I woke up at 17:00, I was feverish and weak, so I took my temp. 37,6°C. Not terrible, but not good either. I started feeling progressively worse, and opted to take my temp again. 38°C. Then 38.1°C. Definetly not a good sign. I am almost never sick like this, and it really seemed to have come out of the blue.
As I am the sole caregiver of the little dude, I really didn't want to risk geting any sicker. I looked up the number for SOS Medicins -- a service in France where the doctors come to your house. My left breast was hurting me and I was concerned I might have the early symptoms of Mastitis. When I read on a website that a breastfeeding mother who feels like she has the flu most likely has Mastitis, I decided to call.
The doctor showed up about ten minutes later, and 40 euros after that I had my diagnosis: I was right.
I am so glad I didn't wait, but I am also so glad France has SOS Medicins. I couldn't imagine myself navigating the subway with the baby in order to get to a hospital; I can hardly hold him up right now. Honestly, I think I would have waited until tomorrow or the next day, suffering through the illness telling myself it would pass. It's also a good thing I had read about Aimee's experience with Mastitis, because I had it somewhat in the back of my mind all along.
The Boy is coming over tonight and I am going to make him be my slave until Mateo goes down for the night -- pick up prescription, dinner, etc. I should be feeling better in about 48 hours, according to the doctor -- Mateo has been super sweet and not all that demanding since he woke up from his nap, so maybe he senses something. I hope it lasts, at least until I get some strength back in my arms.
Happy third month, Mr. T! As I type this, you are quietly nursing in my lap, drifting off to sleep. We just got back from the doctor's, where we learned that you are in perfect health and 65 cms (25.6 in) long, 7,5 kilos (16.5 lbs). In other words, you're still a giant chubball, so all is good.
Not so good, however, was the second vaccine we gave you... it sure got you upset. Although, I don't know if it hurt you more than it hurt your mama to see you hurting. You were wailing afterwards, and I scooped you up right away. A minute later you were your usual cheery, curious self, but I walked the whole way home from the doctor's with you in my arms -- just to let you know that I'll always be there for you 150% when you're upset. I'm still not sure who was comforting whom.
This month has been the most exciting yet, as you have started showing hints of your personality. You love to talk and sometimes get very frustrated when nobody understands what you're saying. The resulting furrowed brow of concentration is far too serious for your little three-month face, but it's a staple in your repertoire of expressions. You have also reached a bunch of milestones this month, acting more like a four- or five-month-old than a three-er. You have started giggling and squeeling in delight, which of course nobody finds cute at all. You can lift yourself up on your arms now, and your neck is super strong. More than anything, you are perfecting your ability to stand, even though I keep telling you that you've got plenty of time to work on that.
Lots of the baby books and articles I read said that things start getting easier around the three month mark, and I couldn't agree more. You are so fun to take care of now, and everybody remarks on how chill you are. I hope you stay this way because you are just a sweet, sweet baby. No complaints here. You've even started letting your mama sleep 6-7 hours each night.
This month is going to be all topsy turvy as the two of us close one chapter of our lives in order to start another. Just keep smiling and I am pretty sure I will, too.
Last week, I informed my boss that I was quitting by phone. I know this is not the way things should be done, but he is impossible to reach and I preferred telling him sooner rather than later. His response to my call was, "Ok, come by the store and we can talk about it in person." So much for me saving time/energy, but at least I got the hard part -- the part about not coming back to work -- over and done with.
So today was the day to go in and see him. I was nervous about it, I guess because my boss and his wife have been so good to me and I felt like I was letting them down somehow. I know that he is also partially responsible because he changed his mind about my paperwork, but regardless... I suppose I just felt I owed them something.
But you know what? He was really wonderful to me today. We chatted for at least an hour and he talked about everything. We discussed my future, his experiences raising his kids, his own break-up with someone after over ten years together. He assured me that he thought I was making the right choice, and then he went on to tell me his plans for the business over the next few years. It turns out that I am not really inconveniencing him at all, as he is completely restructuring -- but I won't get into detail about it here. Let's just say that it involves some enormous changes for him and, possibly, a good reason for the two of us to stay in contact in the future.
Then I went to see the accountant and my coworkers, as well as the most smiley Parisian woman I know (who works one store over). All of them ooohed over Mateo, and he was perfectly content to ham it up for them. We got a few giggles out of him and everyone got to hold him for awhile. I was so glad he was mellow and happy with everybody; it gave me a chance to tell them about my decision while still distracting us enough to keep smiling.
Overall, I felt so good walking out of there, knowing I had the full support of the mini-family I have come to know at work. I am also thrilled to know I'll get my vacation pay, on top of the last bit of maternity leave payments. Seriously, France is pretty awesome in that regard.
At any rate, having those necessary conversations today unblocked something that has been eating away at me, and now I feel I can mentally make the jump to my life back "home". I am so grateful to have the blessing of all of my friends here -- coworkers included -- and that I am leaving this country with so many positive ties and memories. It's bittersweet, of course, but overall it helps me to think that at least I have been doing some things right over the last eight years.
My brother-in-law sent along a copy of my brother's speech at grandpa's service, and it was just beautiful. It's funny how the memories my brother chose to highlight in his speech are the exact same ones I would choose: 7-Up in plastic cups, Lincoln logs and wheelchair races in the basement, games of Uno in the dining room. When I think of these memories, they are so powerful that even the smell of them comes to mind. It makes me happy to think of them, even if that happiness is tinged with the sadness of knowing they are over. The funny thing is that I think it has been almost two decades since we last had a wheelchair race, maybe 15 years since our last Uno game, but it is just now that I am saddened at the thought that all of that has come to a close. The three of us -- my brother, sister and I -- are truly blessed to have built such a wonderful repertoire of positive memories with our grandparents. It is wonderful to feel nothing but love for Grandpa after almost 28 years of knowing him. He had such a kind soul, and I think anybody who knew him would attest to that.
I am saddened, too, to think that he never got to meet Mateo. My parents brought him pictures but of course that is not the same. Thinking back on my childhood and the role my grandparents played, I am determined to keep Mateo in my parents' lives just as much (if not more) than I was with my grandparents. I am confident that my mom and dad -- who are kind-hearted in the same way Grandpa was -- will have their own rituals and memories to build with my son. I look forward to discovering what those might be.
And because life moves on, and because Grandpa would have liked to see asmile on his great-grandson's face:
Read more »I hope that I am lucky enough to grow old with somebody.
If I've done anything right, maybe that person would be like my grandpa. During visits, I've always been amazed at how much attention he gives me grandma. It is beautiful to see. Pulling up to a restaurant in the car, he would insist on opening her door and helping her to the front door. Not so steady himself, I guess he always figured that, even if he is a little wobbly on his feet, a true gentleman is a gentleman for life.
And that's what he was. Grandpa died on Monday. He was in his 90's and, I think, pretty much ready to go. Of course, if I could buy him some more time I would, and I would go visit him and watch him hold my grandma's hand one more time. Maybe he could fall asleep during another story, or tell us one of his own in his Minnesota accent. Life was slow and simple for him at the end, and we are all grateful that my grandparents were both in decent enough health to be able to stay together, in their own home, for so long.
My family has all flown out to take care of things out there, and to help my grandma who is going to have a tough go of things without her Howard. Although I think we were all braced for this, I am just so sad about it. My grandpa was an amazing sweetheart, and I will miss him.
On a personal note, I am struck by how much this has driven home the fact that I have been so far from my family for so long. I guess the distance doesn't feel so strong until it becomes an obstacle. Now more than ever, I am glad I have made the decision to return to be nearer to my parents and siblings, even if that just means being on the same continent if not in the same city.
I wish I could be with them now.
Doing well but busy here. I have a bunch of things to say but no energy to say them in any sort of reflected way. So I will just say that:
1) I have a lot of stuff. Not as much as lots of people I know, but more than I thought I had. Eight years of stuff.
2) My bed collapsed the day after The Boy's final departure. That seemed fitting somehow. Also: it broke on "his" side.
3) Mateo looks like a little boy now. New photos on the flickr page will prove it.
4) He is a really, really good baby. I think I got lucky. It just keeps getting better. (Experienced moms: please don't burst my bubble by saying, "Just wait til he starts (fill in the blank)."). He is trying to figure out how to make a vibrating noise with his lips. It's the cutest thing ever.
5) Anybody in Paris looking for some furniture? I'll be selling a desk, two chairs, a decent-sized rug, A coffee table and a crib. Dishware, too. And other things. All the furniture -- every last piece of it -- is from Ikea.
6) I have a semi-official flight date for my return to the US. This is insane. It's in something like 42 days, but who's counting?
7) Family members: I will now be attending the October wedding. Yay! Looking forward to seeing you then.
8) Jay and Gail: Dino is officially Teo's favorite toy. I have video to prove it. Just no time to tinker with it to get it online. Someday.
9) Boss: I feel really bad about telling you I'm not coming back. Please go easy on me.
