Archives: August 2007
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Teo has discovered flirting. He did it with Vegas the other day -- he would smile at him then bury his head in my neck, smile and bury (sooo cute!). Recently, he has started giving me a whole panaroma of smiles and sneaky looks.
I smell trouble.
Read more »The last 48 hours have been a little tough. The Boy has almost completely left the house -- a task which I have had to insist upon or else we could drag this break-up out forever. Although he still has some things in the house, this weekend he is in Lyon for work (Fri to Mon), and I have gotten my first taste of life without him around.
It sucks.
I mean, I know we're doing the right thing, but it's crazy how there is just a huge gaping hole where a person used to be. The house is so quiet. I have had to start taking out the trash. And, the worst part, I keep catching myself half-waiting for him to come home, only to realize that he's not going to.
Sigh. I think I'm holding up pretty well, honestly, so don't go sounding any alarms or feeling bad for me. I guess I'm just surprised at how SSSLLLLOOOOWWWWLLLLYYYY time is passing right now.
I tried to rent some movies (legally!) and the video machine was broken. That would have seriously helped speed things along.
I also just need some adult interaction. Teo is the awesomest (I think that has been established by now, right?) but it's hard to spend day in, day out, talking only to somebody who responds exclusively in "gaaa" and "oooohh"s. Don't get me wrong, I love the "gaaas" and so forth. But there's only so many directions you can take that sort of conversation.
Yesterday, the weather was so crappy that we stayed indoors almost the entire day (except for a short grocery run) and I was getting seriously stir-crazy by the end. Today, the sun came out, praise Jesus, so we went for a little walk around the 'hood. I caught myself stuck in a rather long conversation with an old lady and just being grateful for the interaction. That's problematic.
Well, after Monday the worst will be over. Kathypath will be back from her 5-week absence, and C is coming up from Aix to visit for a few days. I am hooking up with a friend I haven't seen in a long while on Tuesday. The Boy will be back in town and will stop by to see Mateo, and I assume gather the rest of his stuff. So this week will have plenty of visits and conversations.
But good Lord, loneliness is a real bitch. NPR and I have become besties, though, so I am super up-to-date on the news. Bright Side, I found you!
Also, how fitting that This American Life is called "The Break Up" this week. Love that.
Oh, and one last thing. I might be a little sad and desperate for contact with people capable of using words with syllables, but I just read Abundance: A Novel of Marie Antoinette and let me just say for the record: my life does not suck as much as 'Toinette's did in her final days. Nothing like historical fiction to put things into perspective for you.
1. Teo is getting cooler by the day. These last three days, I think he has cried a sum total of an hour, and it's always either just as he's waking up or right before he falls asleep. Also, he sat and stared at every part of my face for maybe 20 mins today, just smiling and waving his arms in excitement. Did you know that he thinks his mom is the awesomest? Neither did I, but now I do! I might have cried a little bit from the cuteness/intense feelings of love towards him.
2. One thing that is not so great, however, is that he has definitely decided he is anti-bottle. I have been trying to pump some and get him used to the idea. Thus far: NADA. Any tips? He really, really hates it.
3. Mr. T is really into movement, as I have previously expressed. He likes to swing, be spun, be lifted, etc. While I like to entertain him as much as possible, a girl's only got two arms. But today was a good day because I tried a smaller, more compact sling that allows him to face outward, and he chilled in it for a good 45 mins while I cooked dinner. I told him all about the preparation process and he watched along. Neither of us cried when I cut the onions. The verdict on the compact swing is: so practical! I felt like June Cleaver, but minus the apron, plus the sling. And then there's that whole out-of-wedlock thing. But otherwise, just like her!
4. Alongside T's love of movement is his love of music and dancing. He really digs both, and has clearly changed moods when I put music on, going from fussy to entirely content. He also likes to watch other people dance to music, which is cute because he gets all excited and waves his arms, and one could argue that he is dancing, too.
However, today I was playing Tori Amos' new album and dancing while he watched me from his little chair (also a very good used purchase!). There is a point in the song where Tori says 4 times in a row, "I am an M-I-L-F don't you forget. M-I-L-F - don't you forget." I was singing along and directing the singing and dancing extravaganza at Mateo, and once I got to the third or fourth repetition of that line, I had a moment where I thought, Hrm... maybe not so appropriate.
We've been doing so well in the sleeping department recently. Unfortunately, a little too well. Teo spent a good portion of the day drifting in and out of sleep, but I attributed this to the rainy, melancholy weather. Normally he hardly naps, so I was excited to get an occasional break.
But yes. Sleeping during the day seems to affect night-sleeping. So now it is 2:30 am and I am in front of the computer while he swings. We have been up for an hour and a half. One of us is ready to go back to sleep. I am hoping the swinging will lull him to la la land, but right now he is having a conversation with the refrigerator. This me think I have awhile to wait.
In the meantime, this is the cutest thing I have read in awhile. Go. Read. Smile inwardly.
It's so exciting to see how quickly Teo is growing. Every day, he figures out something new. Today, we were in the post office, and an awesome pre-teen girl (I know, it's almost an oxymoron, but she was super cool) was loving on him in a big way. Waving and coo-cooing and all that. And out of nowhere, he let out a semi-laugh and reached out to her, putting his hand in her palm. She loved it, and so did I.
He has figured out how to hit things with his fist, and is slowly but surely opening his hands more and more out of their perma-clenched state. While lying on his stomach, he is now lifting his head -- but he seems pretty far from rolling over just yet. Still, at this time last week, he was still desperately smushing his face further and further into the activity mat whenever given tummy time, and this new raising-the-head thing has made him enjoy being on his stomach a whole helluva lot more.
Yesterday, he had just eaten and was sitting in his chair (which he once hated and now loves, go figure) sort of spacing out. I was playing with his dinosaur that J&G brought him, sort of dangling it in his face. Ordinarily, he swats at it and investigates it, but yesterday he was just too milk-drunk to bother. So I sat it on his stomach and turned around to change the volume on the radio. When I turned back to look at him, this is what I saw:
Read more »I've gotten lots of calls and emails since my last big announcement, and if I haven't thanked you personally yet -- well, thanks. I'm touched by all the people who care. Of course, my friends Stateside discuss the whole topic far more enthusiastically than those who are here in France, but that is to be expected. My parents called me three times in the three days following my post, once or twice to talk "logistics." I think they just want to get me over there quickly before I change my mind.
I won't.
I talked to Vegas today and told him my plans, and there was a bit of an awkward silence on the other end while he absorbed the news (he is a bit dramatic, I might add). Oddly, he told me that he had just been speaking to somebody else, and that somebody else had just spoken to my boss that morning. I guess my boss was raving about me to this guy, and so word got through that I am really the bee's knees. Vegas said, "So I am sure that he'd be willing to do whatever he needs to in order for you to stay..." It sort of hit me just then that, even if it were possible, I wouldn't want to go for it. I am tired of climbing uphill unnecessarily. Now that I have made my decision to leave, I am just done - DONE! - dealing with French administrative bullshit. It's as if the steam just came right out of me, and I can no longer muster the enthusiasm needed to make it even sort of work here. And man oh man, what a relief it is to recognize that I don't have to deal with the administration again. I mean, I'll still have things to do around here and I'm sure I'll run into some paperwork disaster at some point, but at least the weightiness of having to go through so much year after year has been lifted right up off my shoulders. And damn if that doesn't feel awesome.
As for me and The Boy, things are going well. He's still at the apartment; at some point I'll either have to kick him out or set a deadline. I'm just kidding. Sort of. For right now he is spending time with Teo and I think that's his right, but I do think we need to make the separation complete at some point down the road. All things considered, we did this in the best way possible. We still love one another and will remain friends, and we're clearly forever bonded by our son. But I think we both just know it isn't working out between the two of us as a couple, and, now that we have admitted that to ourselves, it's like we can suddenly live easy and get along like normal people should. That feels good and right.
A lot of people are worrying about me and reaching out to me, and for that, I am truly grateful. I am also happy to report that, for right now, I am doing great. I know things are going to be pretty rough at some point down the line, but I feel good about my decisions and am actually getting excited about this next step in my (and Teo's) life.
It's a biggie.
Good thing I can bring my little ninja along for the ride.
Read more »Mr.T is popping out of his French 3-month onesies. For kicks, I tried a sixer on him.
Seems to fit, at least better than the 3-monthers. Maybe a wee bit big in the arms/shoulders, but I bet that won't be the case next week. He's 2 months old. Righto.
It's insane how small the French baby stuff is compared to its American equivalent. I guess we're just supersizing our people early. Gotta start 'em young.
Also -- T's pretty much done with his small cloth diapers. He really bulldozed through them. First his legs were too skinny, and now suddenly he's just too big in all ways. That's too bad. Gotta work on the amassing the next size up. And hopefully selling off the previous one.
Hey LittleT, happy two months! I just put you down for a nap and freaked out a little -- you're so big! Your legs were all stretched out and you take up a good portion of the crib now. When did that happen? Where is the time going?
Everything is going into your thighs, it appears. I think you might stock batteries or spare tires in there or something. You are such a Chunkaramacus, it's hilarious. In the last few days, though, I'm getting the feeling you're evening out... I think you've gained length even just since your doctor's visit last week. I'm not sure how down I am with all this growing you've been doing.
Speaking of the doctor's, I'll give you some stats: you weigh 6.3 kilos and are 60 cm tall. That puts you smack in the 97th percentile for both height and weight for 2-month-olds, which basically makes you the size of a three-month-old. Like I said: you're huge.
This month has been a bit nutty to say the least, but you are composed of 100% edible awesomeness, so you're doing a mighty job of keeping my days bright. You've started smiling up a storm, and good Lord does that make me tear up each time (in a good way). Recently, you've started doing this little act when you eat: you pull away from me and then look up into my eyes, and the left side of your mouth starts to turn up. I say, "Whatchyou lookin' at?" and your whole mouth explodes in a big, gummy grin. Gets me every time.
Read more »My little man fell asleep at 10 pm and woke up at 4 am to eat! The excitement is insane!!! I went to bed around 11. Do you realize that I just slept almost five consecutive hours!?!?
I got a little cocky, though, because now it's almost six am and Teo does not seem even the slightest bit interested in going back to sleep. I'm not really vibing the starting-my-day-at-four thing, but I'll take what I can get.
Did I mention I almost slept five hours in a row?
The Good:
J & G have come and gone, but their visit was wonderful. It was just great -- very relaxed and low-key. They went off and did their own thing sometimes, but also got in lots of time with their nephew. It was a great balance. I am so happy they could meet him when he is so small, observing such seemingly uninteresting milestones (to everybody but the baby's parents) like learning to touch/grab things with fascination. My brother is a real pro with Teo -- I told him at one point that I wanted to keep him in my closet so I could pull him out when necessary - ie when the little man is crying and needs someone to spin him (Mr T digs the spinning in a major way, and Uncle Jay rocks at it).
Equally as amazing as seeing my brother interact with my son was seeing him with his wife. I love my sister-in-law and couldn't be happier she is a pārt of our family, and I especially love seeing how happy they make one another. It's so sweet, and they are going to make awesome parents. The whole scene just gives me warm fuzzies all around.
The bad:
Mateo had to get some shots and is just not up to snuff today. The doctor gave me some baby tylenol in liquid form, but Teo has learned to spit out more and more with each attempt to give him some. First try (last night), I think he swallowed about 75% of his dose. Second try left about 50% on his shirt. This morning, I think he swallowed about 20%. The vaccine can cause fevers so I am watching out for that, otherwise I get the feeling he's going to spend most of the day sleeping in my arms. I have tried to set him down three times and he is not having it... so he'll just stay close while I type one-handed.
The ugly:
This is a bit of a doozie.
Read more »I have to do my 6/7-week post-partum visit, just to be sure all is well. I'm not really concerned, but I figure I should get it done. I CANNOT FIND A SINGLE GYNECOLOGIST that I can see. It's August, it's Paris, and they're gone. Or they're going, and are all booked until then. AAARRRRRGGGGHHHH.
Sometimes France is just so frustrating.
So I guess it will be more like a ten-week checkup for me.
My brother and SIL are here for the week and I love having them around. We haven't done anything - literally nothing - since they got here besides entertain Mr. M. When he sleeps, we talk as adults. Otherwise, most of our attempts at conversation are interrupted by comments on Teo's behavior at the moment ("He can't get his fist in his mouth." "Look at how his eyes are trying to focus while we spin." "I think he just pooped." and so forth). They are both adorable with him and my brother has become an expert spinner (Teo likes to spin). Good times, all around.
Yesterday it was just too unbearably hot to go out around town, but today they are taking advantage of the momentary cooling to check out the Louvre, as my SIL has never been. At some point this week, they may visit a chateau. Otherwise, the remaining plan is to hang with the little man.
I've got some administrative crap to take care of because I realized the secu skipped -- straight up just SKIPPED -- one of my maternity leave payments. I am usually a pretty bad budgeter but this month seemed way out of control. Now I know why. So I need to find out what's up on that front, as well as make a doctor's appointment for Mr. T for his two month visit. BIG BOY! I also have to get myself to the doctor for my post-partum visit.
In the meantime... here's Teo in his activity gym. I call it "brand new" in the video, but it was the product responsible for the major find I had last week. It's used but in awesome condition.... couldn't be happier with my purchase, and Mateo seems to approve as well. At any rate, he developed some new motor skills so here they are on film:
Read more »Things have been a bit difficult over the last few days -- not for any one specific reason, just a combination of things that has made every day a bit more trying than usual. For one, I've had some issues with The Boy, with my job, and with money. All seperate issues, all deal-able, but also all at once. Three big, important aspects of my life that haven't been tip top lately.
Secondly, my knees feel like they might fall off. I'm not sure why I am having such severe knee pain, but I think it's from lifting myself out of a sitting position whenever Teo is sleeping in my arms. I don't use any other support and I am pretty sure the pressure of getting up is throwing my knees out. I keep hearing that Baz Luhrmann song ("The Sunscreen Song" or whatever) in my head that says, "Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone." I mean, I'm only 27 but I feel like I've got an old man's knees.
Third, I think Teo is going through a growth spurt because he is always, always hungry. Sometimes he asks for the boob once every hour or 90 minutes. This makes it hard to get things done, and it also makes leaving the house a little more daunting. Still, life moves on and you have to keep going, so there has been a lot of nursing in public. Fortunately, I feel the French are pretty laid-back about that (weirdly, one of the few aspects of life where I can honestly say they're more chill than Americans).
But. BUT! He is the cutest thing ever and he unquestionably makes up for his elevated fussiness these days by becoming more and more interactive and fun.
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