Paris. Interesting.

So... tomorrow we will board a plane for Paris.

Well, what to say? J, Mateo, and I are on our way to France. This will be an interesting adventure. In many ways, I feel like the current has swept me up and I am suddenly running along with it. How did I get caught up in this? Psychologically, emotionally... I am not totally sure how ready I am for this trip. One of my dearest friends in the entire world is getting married in just over a week, and we are headed to France to celebrate. Were the circumstances different, I think I might have delayed this particular excursion for at least a few more months. However, we can't always control what others plan, and there was no way I was missing seeing Ms. Kathypath walk her way down the aisle.

Still. It will be so interesting to see how this trip unfolds. The last time I was in Paris, it was a cleansing experience for me. I was delighted to see my friends, exhausted by the requirements of managing a toddler in less child-friendly place than Portland, and completely overwhelmed by the business of motherhood while still trying to visit so many people in so few days. More importantly, overall, I recognized that Paris was no longer my home. In fact, it dawned on me that I no longer wanted to live there, and that in fact I missed Portland and all the people I knew and loved there. Going to Paris in 2008 allowed me to finally accept that Portland was where my life was, and that Paris was an important but certainly closed chapter in my life. I firmly believe that J and I would have never started seeing one another if I hadn't first gone through the experience of letting go of France.

Going back now? I don't know. Maybe I will again see the city as just a tourist, maybe not. It is so hard to say. My goals are to let Teo hang out with his papa a bit, help Kathy with this major event, and see any and all people I love in the interim. It's going to be busy, borderline frantic. Most of all, I want J to see my former life and understand why Paris is such an important part of who I am today. I want to see both my boys laugh and frolic together in my favorite city. I want to feel the pulse of Paris and share the love of it with the two most important people in my life.

We are on our way for an interesting couple of days. Wish us luck. Updates to come.