Movement

It has been both easy and hard adjusting to an entirely new life. There is a lot of change involved. I waver between being really excited about the landscape before me and being completely terrified of the unknown. I suppose, even when not in periods of transition, we vacillate between these two extremes. Maybe it's just more pronounced when going through moments of upheaval.

There are a few things to say about the last week.

First, Mateo is going to see the ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) specialist in a few weeks. I set the appointment today. As of yesterday, his ear infection has cleared but he still has tremendous inflammation and fluid in those pesky ears of his. This is the same scene he has had at the end of each course of antibiotics. He is doing ok, but tugs and pulls at his ears all the same.

We have had two or three days of semi-chronic fussiness. I gave him some Motrin at 8 and he has slept through until now (11:30), which is the longest stretch of sleep he has had in a week. I wish the ENT appointment could be tomorrow. People may say to give him other solutions, try grapeseed oil or fenugreek or God knows what, but he has been chronically sick for six months and I just want him to be better. It's wearing on us both. I spoke to a coworker about tubes and she said with her son it made an immediate difference. The women at his day care said that they noticed a change right away in kids who had gotten them over the years. After talking to two physicians who both recommended this route, I am thinking we are heading down that path. Now I just want it to be over and done with, but helas. We have weeks to wait before our introductory visit, and then probably more time before anything gets done. Motrin will probably be Mateo's best friend, alongside the all-natural ear drops I have been giving him almost daily for months.

People say parenting is hard, but nothing compares to having a sick kid. His smiles are short-lived, and I fight for his laughter. I love to see it, but I know that it will be followed with whines. To his credit, he is not entirely unpleasant. But man... I just can't help but think back to those days after he first got his shots and he was just sunshine 24/7. I know he just has pressure behind his ears (not to mention an upset belly from the antibiotics... we have completely stopped giving him any more antibiotics) and has to complain on occasion. Poor little love.

Meanwhile, I am finding new happiness in my job. It is starting to come around for me, and I am getting my bearings. Yay. I don't want to go into too much detail here, but I appreciate a few things. First, I have some degree of artistic freedom and creativity in unexpected places. Granted, it all involves technical documents and rather dry material, but I can still use my journalism background to agonize over wording and structure. Second, there are a few exciting things coming up and I am thrilled to bits to see what comes of them. I am manging a few different projects and am ashamed to admit that I am a big fan of overseeing. It works well with my psycho-organized self. I know I am learning a TON every day, and that is fabulous. It also helps add excitement to my daily routine. And third, my coworkers are just fan-freakin-tastic and who can't help but love that? This week has been a good week at the office... if it were to continue at this pace, I would not complain.

And so, who knows? The rest of my family is going to be in Portland soon... plans are in the works to invade the city around the end of June. Fred will be out here next weekend, and I have awesomeness lined up for her visit I have even been invited to some social functions (gasp!) down the line and am starting to feel like I can finally put my roots down here. In some ways, I feel like the new girl at school who has finally made some friends. In others, I feel like I am just an adult trying to act like one.

It is so very, very exhausting to float. Maybe Mateo and I can finally just BE for awhile. That would be magnificent.

Also, an aside: two nights ago, Mateo was playing in the pots and pans as usual, while I listened to the most recent news concerning the democratic primary. I listened to Barack's speech and couldn't help but get carried away with his message. At some point, I leaned down to Teo and gave him a big hug, telling hi that he came to America at a very promising time in our country's history. He leaned into me and said, "BAH!" really loudly into my ear, which I take to mean he agrees. I am so excited to see how this election year pans out. Please, God, let us elect the right man to the Oval Office.