48

The last 48 hours have been a little tough. The Boy has almost completely left the house -- a task which I have had to insist upon or else we could drag this break-up out forever. Although he still has some things in the house, this weekend he is in Lyon for work (Fri to Mon), and I have gotten my first taste of life without him around.

It sucks.

I mean, I know we're doing the right thing, but it's crazy how there is just a huge gaping hole where a person used to be. The house is so quiet. I have had to start taking out the trash. And, the worst part, I keep catching myself half-waiting for him to come home, only to realize that he's not going to.

Sigh. I think I'm holding up pretty well, honestly, so don't go sounding any alarms or feeling bad for me. I guess I'm just surprised at how SSSLLLLOOOOWWWWLLLLYYYY time is passing right now.

I tried to rent some movies (legally!) and the video machine was broken. That would have seriously helped speed things along.

I also just need some adult interaction. Teo is the awesomest (I think that has been established by now, right?) but it's hard to spend day in, day out, talking only to somebody who responds exclusively in "gaaa" and "oooohh"s. Don't get me wrong, I love the "gaaas" and so forth. But there's only so many directions you can take that sort of conversation.

Yesterday, the weather was so crappy that we stayed indoors almost the entire day (except for a short grocery run) and I was getting seriously stir-crazy by the end. Today, the sun came out, praise Jesus, so we went for a little walk around the 'hood. I caught myself stuck in a rather long conversation with an old lady and just being grateful for the interaction. That's problematic.

Well, after Monday the worst will be over. Kathypath will be back from her 5-week absence, and C is coming up from Aix to visit for a few days. I am hooking up with a friend I haven't seen in a long while on Tuesday. The Boy will be back in town and will stop by to see Mateo, and I assume gather the rest of his stuff. So this week will have plenty of visits and conversations.

But good Lord, loneliness is a real bitch. NPR and I have become besties, though, so I am super up-to-date on the news. Bright Side, I found you!

Also, how fitting that This American Life is called "The Break Up" this week. Love that.

Oh, and one last thing. I might be a little sad and desperate for contact with people capable of using words with syllables, but I just read Abundance: A Novel of Marie Antoinette and let me just say for the record: my life does not suck as much as 'Toinette's did in her final days. Nothing like historical fiction to put things into perspective for you.