Today was not a good day. And it's only four o'clock.
1) Mateo woke up at five and did not even consider going back to sleep until 11 -- and that was after getting up three times in the night. He had a very upset tummy, so most of that time was spent either feeding him or soothing him or changing his diaper. Poor baby. He's doing much better now but he was Fussy McFusserson for several hours there.
2) I got a note from the French government telling me that if I don't pay them the almost 300 euros I owe on my taxes from last year, that they are going to come to my house and seize my furniture (they even included a clause about how they will break the lock -- at my charge -- if necessary) on August 1st. For those who aren't aware, that's in less than two weeks. This means I have to solve the situation sometime... oh... now-ish. I don't have 300 spare euros. Bah. Time to go to the taxes people and set up a payment plan, and then I have to call the "huissiers" and notify them of the arrangement. It's going to be fun. Looking forward to tomorrow with the French tax people!
3) I went to the post office to pick up a package and a certified letter that I had gotten notices for in my mailbox. I knew the certified letter would be bad news (they always are) but I was looking forward to picking up the package. Of course, they couldn't find the package and are going to call me when they do. I highly doubt that will ever happen so I am going to have to stop by again in a few days to see what comes of it.
Meanwhile, the letter was from my landlord, informing me that he is going to sell my current appartment as of 2008, so my lease will end on December 31, 2007. The timing is crappy, and as I honestly don't know what I'm doing with my life, it sort of puts on the pressure to make a decision. I have been wavering on the stay-in-France vs go-back-home question for years now, and it has been further amplified by the birth of Teo and the problems with The Boy. My main goal this year was to go back to work for six months and then decide. I think I owe it to my employers to do at least that much, and plus I would like to stick it out there for my own reasons. However, there are all kinds of thoughts and details and issues I don't get into on this site that are involved in this sort of life-changing, should-I-stay-or-should-I-go decision, and finding out my apartment will no longer be available somehow turned the spotlight on all of them in a major way.
So now I'll only be back at work for two months before I have to make a move of some sort, and a part of me thinks that if I'm leaning towards moving to the US at that point, I might as well do it then. But what if I don't know? What if I am still in the limbo I feel now? Where the hell could I find a reasonable apartment again, need be? I guess I was just happy to not have to make any sort of decision just yet -- to just work and take care of Teo and see where things take me. But now I feel pressure to Figure Things Out. Plus, I am super sad about having to leave this place, as it's a major steal and I really love living here. Sadness, all around.
So yay! Poor and homeless as of 2008! Awesome.
Then, while in line at the post office, I also had this dreadful conversation:
Lady in line: Oh! What an adorable baby! Not even a month old!
Me: He just turned one month last week, actually, so just over a month...
LiL: Oh! Just over a month. How precious. :::: turning to talk directly to sleeping Mateo in his sling (thank God, too, because if he had been in his stroller I think she would have touched him) ::::: You were born into a terrible, terrible world.
Me: (trying to make a joke of it) Shh... he'll hear you! He's trying to have pleasant dreams, not nightmares!
LiL: ::: gives me a cold, hard stare and then turns back to Teo ::: Yes, my dear baby... a horrible world. Your generation is doomed.
Me: ....
LiL: My generation had it all, but you are just unfortunate to be born at this time in history. ::: turning to me ::: And you're from the generation between the two. You guys could have made it out ok, but my generation didn't listen to you enough. Now there is no turning back. There was a time when we could have turned it all around, but I'm afraid we didn't react quickly enough. So now these poor souls in the next generation... they are being born into such a terrible place.
Then she went to the window to pick up her package. Thanks for the pick-me-up, lady!
UPDATE: I just complained to The Boy about my problems. His response was, "There are people who don't have enough money to eat, people who are dying on the street." Seriously? I know that my problems are not the end of the world, and that they'll work out, and that it could always be worse. But could you maybe just listen for a minute? Offer some support, some words of advice, anything? Key-riste.
; "Catching fish")
I'll send you all the support I've got from Bretagne!
And take Teo to the centre des imp�ts with you, maybe you'll score some baby points and they'll go easy on you.
As for the housing...the sucks hardcore - I am doing some major stressing over finding a place to live, but I can't imagine having to do it in Paris and with a baby!
Go back to the States - you'll make more money, you'll be able to stretch that money farther, you'll be close to your family.
Oh LeeAnn you are feeling the tug that every expat gets when they have a baby. In your case like you said it's doubley worse given your situatuation.
I think going back to work for at last a few months is a good idea. Give it time to settle and see how you feel in a few months.
Oh, Lee Ann, I'm sorry this is all happening at once for you! I honestly go by the school-of-thought that a lot if not everything happens for a reason, and that may sound corny, but I believe Mateo's arrival in your life is a blessing, and you have accomplished SO MUCH!
I think that somehow deep down you just have to follow your heart and your gut instincts -- what do you feel is the right thing for you? Like Miss Chris said, I think some time, a few months of thought on it, will help -- but I'm convinced that the right answer and solution will present itself somehow!
Hang in there.
P.S. ~ Again, what I said above may sound simplistic, but with the support of your friends and family, things will come together... And I don't know if this is any consolation, by my boy often says things like that too: it's like his answer to EVERYTHING when our money gets wasted. That things could always be worse. But my response is: we're never going to get ahead if we don't take a few steps to do so! When his vacation dates got changed (or he changed them) the train ticket I reserved for him got wasted, and I was so excited to have found a deal -- and he says, oh it's just 30 �! Trust me, I was more than a wee bit upset -- that money could be used for so many other things...
Argh -- men! They sometimes really don't think these things through...
I wish you the best of luck!!!! But as they say (who are they, I don't know but they talk once and a while;) Anyway, you want good luck, you have to make good luck! And believe in yourself, trust me...when we are in the worst shit we find the strength. If I had the money I would send it to you.
I wish you the best of luck!!!! But as they say (who are they, I don't know but they talk once and a while;) Anyway, you want good luck, you have to make good luck! And believe in yourself, trust me...when we are in the worst shit we find the strength. If I had the money I would send it to you.
hang in there!! sometimes things just fall in too place if you stop worrying/stressing/panicking about them.
but you have our (your readers) support no matter what you decided to do!!
r5X1I9 yup just wanted to say hey!!! http://drugsviagra.eusme.info/sitemap.xml ">viagra canada
r5X1I9 yup just wanted to say hey!!! http://drugsviagra.eusme.info/sitemap.xml ">viagra canada
you! site! Nice Thank ,
you! site! Nice Thank ,
7s1uIl cool its site updated nice regularly! ,
Was indeed the booing of Sarah Palin on last night's 'Dancing With the Stars' incorrect? really don't like Sarah Palin, don't shop for her publication. Don’t be her Facebook comrade. No need to vote for her but make sure you have some manners, booing is simply so irritating.