And eyes and ears and mouth and nose

The Tired hit me today at around 17.30, but I am pretty sure that was because of The Hot. Yes, it is spring here. This is awesome because it is warm and sunny, and I noticed for the first time today that the avenue I live off is marvelously tree-lined. Those trees just popped up out of nowhere, and they add a lot of charm to the 'hood. Spring's arrival is not so awesome because I have allergies that apparently are now in full swing, and I have just plum run out of Q-tips (allergies make my ears itch).

And it's stuffy. Is it stuffy in here? Good Lord, it was stuffy at work. And with The Stuffy comes The Swollen. As I have already had an occasional episode of The Swollen (mainly in my hands), I know the key is to drink water. And then some more water. And then a little more.

But guess what? Water makes you pee. And so does having a baby on your bladder. Or at least it gives you the illusion of needing to pee, because I like to climb down two flights of stairs to head to the toilet, only to discover I could have held off another hour until I worked up a decent dose. No matter, of course, because I like to climb back up the stairs unecessarily. I'll be back down in another hour again anyway.

I'm not complaining, because I know I still have it pretty good. But I am simply amazed at how sensitive our bodies can be to these slight changes. I got a good night's sleep, was awake and motivated all day, and then The Stuffy hit, which was quickly followed by The Swollen, and then I needed The Sleep like never before.

One good place to be when you feel like sleeping is in front of a computer in a not-so-busy bookshop in a comfortable chair. There is no better recipe for keeping you alert, I can assure you.

Anyway, the big exciting news around here is that Romulus is a healthy little bugger. I went in for my (most likely) final ultrasound yesterday afternoon and the doctor kept saying, "C'est parfait..." and "C'est tr�s bien..." and so forth. At one point he took a measurement and paused for a VVVEEERRRRY long time, and I wanted to shrill, "Why aren't you saying anything?" but that would make me a crazy mama, wouldn't it? I shouldn't be that girl, because that girl is just bat-shit crazy. Right. So I kept myself in check for what felt like an eternity, until he finished checking out some chart and said, "Excellent..." and I could breathe again.

Romulus is in the 50th percentile for everything -- literally every measurement -- except for his femur (70%) and his waist (30%). So: tall and skinny like his papa, that's my verdict. I know those measurements don't mean jack, but I like to draw conclusions from them anyway.

The most wonderful part of the adventure, however, was when the doctor managed to get a full face shot of Romulus. I didn't even know ultrasounds could do this, because I thought they just measured bones and cavities, but I was able to fully see his face in a similar way to those new 3-d ultrasounds they have. It was an ultra-clear image, and I could make out his facial features so well it was trippy. I got all teary-eyed because, hell, he's got a little face! The baby has a face! And you may think this is crazy talk, but he looks just like his dad. I've seen his baby pictures, and the similarity was freaky. I couldn't see Romulus' eyes very well (they just show up as black holes) but he definetly got papa's nose and lips. While I know he'll inherit other things from me (my charm, for example, or maybe my ultra-veiny feet), I would put money down on how much he's going to look like his dad. Nobody else was in that doctor's office with me, but it was clear as day up on that screen. Just you wait and see.

He's weighing in at about 4.5 lbs and is "locked and loaded" as I like to say: head-down and ready to say hello to everybody. Seeing his face made me so, so impatient to get to know him, to see him in full and not just as a black-and-white TV image. The excitement I felt in that moment was so wonderful, a sort of calming, tender happiness that just feels good all over. And while I am just ecstatic to meet him, so much so it sometimes takes my breath away, I am also pleased to let him cook a little more while he gathers his strength.

Is it weird that I am sort of proud of him already? I mean, he's been so sweet to me this entire pregnancy, not really giving me any trouble or panic moments or anything. He's just chillin' in there, doing his thing, and he even had the decency to turn around for me all extra early. It's just one less thing to worry about. What a sweet baby. I've been saying that I think he might get a lot of his dad's temperament, mainly because The Little Guy has his dad's personality through-and-through -- they are both incredibly smiley and cheerful people at base, but they have very short fuses and are easily put into funks. But now I'm wondering if he might just be a little angel-face like his mama, because, as you all know, I'm a darling at all times. Or maybe he'll get grandpa's quiet side, and he'll be more the observant type like his uncle. Who knows? It's just that, besides stretching his legs or doing an occasional dance-off with himself in there, he just seems so mellow...

I guess you can't tell much about personality through the womb, but I was thinking about how this pregnancy has been such a life-altering experience for me as a person. Not because of the pregnancy itself - although that's quite the life-changer as well - but because I have been so amazed at how I have been able to take things in stride, how much knowing I'm working on bringing this baby into the world has made me focused and content. Lots of people say that I seem strong or that they're impressed by my level-headedness, but it's just weird -- I feel like it's coming from him. I almost feel like I'm the student here, and I'm just being guided. He's taught me so much just by growing, and I am really speechless as to how to describe the changes I have been through. It's not that I don't worry or stress anymore, but, in a really fundamental way, I have lost something about my former self that I can now recognize as harmful and unnecessary. Something related to stress and control and a need to make things BE a certain way. I can't pinpoint what it is exactly -- and I don't even think I want to. I just know that I have been zen in a way I have never felt before, and it has spilled over into every part of my life.

It feels so nice.

So thanks for that, Romulus.