Things have been a little difficult since my return to France. First, there are some tricky personal problems that I can't get into here, but that I will eventually discuss once designated as discuss-able. Second, my request for paperwork from the French government has been refused -- we are now in the process of a "rebuttal," which is sure to drag out for months. Third, we are financially in some pretty dire straights, and it makes coming home to beans and rice even less romantic than one would think. In positive news, The Boy has started a new job this month, which is absolutely wonderful and makes me so happy I could burst, but a good portion of his first month's salary is going towards money he owes the bank -- and he won't even get paid until the 31st. So we're not doing so well.
Today is my 27th birthday, and I can't help but do a sort of personal checklist to see if I'm where I would like to be in my life. It's a little depressing that the answer is more-or-less "No" -- I am not complaining, but I am being realistic. I know I don't have any specific place TO be - but maybe not living off of 25 euros a week is a start. Or maybe it's the job thing more than anything, as it really was a low blow to find out France STILL doesn't want me to work full-time. My boss is irate about it, though, and is doing his utmost to take care of it. As always, "We'll see..." is all I can say, and I'm sort of sick of living year-to-year like that. Perhaps my parents will be happy to know this, but I am coming to the end of my rope with this making-it-work in France thing.
Last night I went to Kathypath's for dinner and a movie, and for my birthday she gave me a vase that she made (she does ceramics) and a huge bouquet of flowers. The whole ensemble was beautiful, and I really appreciated that she gave me something hand-made. As I am not looking to celebrate my birthday in a any way this year, it was great to just spend the night eating dinner and watching movies at her house; I came home early and was in bed before midnight.
When I walked through the door of my apartment, The Boy said, "Oh, so you're buying yourself flowers now?" upon seeing the Dahlias. "No," I said, "Kathy got them for me..." and he just nodded.
After a moment, I said, "She made me this vase, too. It's beautiful, isn't it?"
"Yeah, it's nice," he responded, and went back to working on the computer.
I turned to him and asked, "Can you think of any reason why she might have bought me flowers? Any reason at all?"
"No, not particularly," he said, thus confirming that he has forgotten, for the sixth year in a row, my birthday.
Awesome.
Update:
Now it's later in the day and The Boy and I got in a very big, very sad fight. Not about my birthday, though -- I eventually told him about what a moron he is and we both had a pretty good laugh. No, we aren't angry with one another, just a little confused about things right now, and that makes it far more depressing than it would be just to be pissed off. I think our issues, coupled with my paperwork problems, added to my birthday reflections -- well, the whole ensemble was a recipe for disaster.
I got a little depressed (ok, a lot) in the middle of the day, and spent a few hours just resting in bed and reading. The Boy came around and was sad with me a bit, and then my best friend from junior high and high school called and we talked for three hours. It was so nice and refreshing to talk to someone who knew me when I was so young, and I was so glad that we have maintained a solid friendship over all the years and miles. Talking to her really helped me through the day.
For awhile, I thought my parents had also forgotten about my birthday, but they snuck in a call at 11:58 pm. Close one. That would have been a first.
Overall, a very depressing birthday and I am so glad tomorrow is October 9. I wish birthdays could always be as fun as they were when you would bring cupcakes to class for everybody, but I guess some years just have to be a little harder than others. Let's hope 28 is better.
not that it's any consolation at all really, but i had a sucky birthday this year too (sept. 21) and it was my 30th! i suppose it's these dang expectations we put out there that just never get fulfilled. knowing i wanted a new watch, my husband made me one from paper. pretty special, eh?
i hope this year starts improving soon for you!
just wanted to say that though i do understand your pain, it's refreshing to hear someone talking about their birthdays in a realistic and reflective way--i think we all expect so much out of them, it does one good to know the lame-birthday thing isn't a solitary disease. hope you have many wonderful and rewarding everydays to come
and the best part is... when you finally move out of france, you can look forward to getting letters from the centre d'impots for the rest of your life! we moved away two years ago and have gotten a letter for a taxe d'habitation and income tax in the past 2 months. hope your appeal for working papers gets approved. that sucks...
My daughter has the same birthday! She was six.
It was a depressing day (for me). It's hard to see your own kids growing up and feeling like you, yourself, are not getting anywhere. Totally selfish, I know. Sigh.
Thankfully, I can redeem myself with the throwing of a big pink birthday party.
Hey, I can relate, trust me. You're not alone -- and at least you're going after what you love! You recently posted about loving the job you're doing right now, and that's a lot more than I can say. It must be a good feeling. So I'm sure this will work out for the best.
I turned 32 this year, and this has been a tough last 9 months... I'm not where I thought I would be at this age either, and I mostly think it's my own fault -- I made my own choices and got myself here after all, but life is really so unpredictable sometimes (it's not what we imagine, and time really does fly by fast), and I've been particularly depressed about it lately.
Just to say I understand where you're coming from -- but I try to put things in perspective, and I'm sure you will too. I'm happy to be in France, but I may end up back in the U.S. one day soon, too... Things happen for a reason, right?
You've got a lot going for you; I honestly think this will all work out in the end! Fate will bring you good things, I can just feel it.
Girl, I hear ya, Fab forgets my b-day every year too. Or I guess I shouldn't say he ALWAYS forgets it, he just forgets to buy me a present. Same goes for Christmas too. Luckily he has other redeeming qualities. *S*
As for the "Do I really want to spend the rest of my life fighting this country?" - I've been there too. We're just about the same age, and I think "Damn, this is not where/what I saw myself doing five years ago, and it's def not the situation I want to be in five years from now".
Sadly, I think it's one of the major drawbacks of being a foreigner in France though. But like Alice said, it always works out in the end and you just gotta go where the wind takes ya.
Sweetie, I'm sorry about your sucky day. I'll be sending good thoughts your way.
Dammit. Dammit dammit dammit. I did it again. I suck. Entire nations have a lower GDS (Gross Domestic Suckage) than I do. I love you big, girl, so very very big. Big hugs. And I spent ALL DAY SATURDAY saying to myself, don't forget to call Lee tomorrow! Don't forget to call Lee tomorrow!
And what'd I do?
I suck.
Happy Birthday!
Go read your old posts if you want to remember why you like it here. That's what blogs are for right, self-persuasion? :)
I hope things improve in that particular universe.
I'm an idiot, by the way: I didn't even say HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope the rest of this week will be great for you and will make up for the crappy part that happened on Sunday...
bummer birthday, Lee Ann. I wish i was closer to where you are; we could meet and hang out, and i would pay ;-)
Who cares if alcohol is a depressant?