Turbo

It's been a little tricky to come up with things to write about recently because I am so freakishly concentrated on my job right now. I attribute this to three things:

1. The job is still very new
2. I need to be sure that I can actually do all of the things my boss is asking of me - the tasks are growing exponentially by the day.
3. This is the best job I have ever had in my entire life

Strangely, I almost feel guilty for number three. I've been jumping around from job to job for the last, oh... decade. It feels weird and wonderful to have a job where I feel all kinds of warm and fuzzy things. Meanwhile, a lot of my friends are still floundering, even though they're perfectly capable of greatness. I don't see why I have been given such an awesome opportunity and not them, and I find myself caught between looking at this whole gig objectively (simply amazed by it) and feeling somehow undeserving (the guilt).

That's not say it's not hard work. I am busting some serious ass, and as a consequence, I have a hard time, occasionally, relating to my friends who are still talking about the same old shit. It's similar to when you're studying like mad for finals or something, and suddenly everybody wants to party. It's just a shift of gears that is not always easy. For example, a typical conversation from last week went, "Wha? You got really drunk and were out until six am? Weird... I was at work at 7..." And then I had nothing else to say, because staying out until six isn't very interesting to me, but the fact that I was sitting in front of a computer at seven is not particularly fascinating either.

I guess maybe I understand now why my dad would come home, watch Jeopardy! with us, read, and then go to sleep. A man of few words, I wouldn't be surprised if most nights, the only things he said were "What is Istanbul?" or "Who is Harry Truman?" before caving in for the night. Although, let's give him credit: he got WAY more points on Jeopardy than just that. Still, my point is: it's hard to transition from work world to non-work world when your brain has been on turbo in work-world for 12 consecutive hours.

Partially, I blame the internet. My work is all online, and I can therefore access it at any time. This is dangerous, as I am sure you can understand. I also blame myself, as I always get overzealous with projects, and bow howdy! This is a biggie! I can't help it if I get up on Sunday morning and think, "Oooooh! I bet I could get answer a few emails! That way everything will be ready for Monday!"

I think this will pass. It sort of has to, if I want to maintain some sort of balance in my life. But I would be lying if I didn't admit that I'm really, REALLY happy right now. Happy in a way that isn't because of someone else, happy in a way that isn't fleeting or temporary, but just happy in that I enjoy the things I do every day and I feel lucky as hell to be doing them. And honestly? It's sort of hard not to want to ride that wave for as long as possible.