Neighborhoodies

There's a homeless guy in my neighborhood who goes by the name of Jacky Chan. I just learned this fact this evening.

Let me back up. First: I noticed this particular homeless man months ago. He's hard not to miss: he wears many, many layers (even in the heat of summer) and pushes an enormous, car-sized shopping cart full of what I am sure are his life posessions. From all sides of the cart dangle bags and bags of... well, I don't exactly know what. He spends his day pushing the cart up Odessa Street, sometimes he ventures down to the boulevard. He is fearless in his cart-pushing: even the bus goes around him.

The Boy and I have admired him afar for at least a few months. Mainly, we medidate on his manoevres as he glides his way through the busy (and poorly designed) intersection at the plaza just up the street. Such a massive locomotive! Such strength in his determination to get from one side of the Boulevard Edgar Quinet to the other!

After months of distant yet determined study, Dr. Jacky Chan and I were bound to meet.

Tonight, my friends, I am happy to say that that eventuality has become a reality.

Sure, I was a little tipsy (and still am?) as I wandered my way up from the metro. And yes, as I noticed Jacky Chan, I might have been moreobvious in my interest than usual. However, it was Dr. Jacky Chan who noticed me, and beckoned me from behind his overwhelmed cart:

Dr JC: (in English) Come here! I have something for you.
Me: (in French) I know you! You live in the neighborhood!
Dr JC: HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
Me (in English): Oh, right... it was two days ago? Three?
Dr JC (ignoring me, in English): Yes, I am Dr Jacky Chan... this is my paper. Read. You will be ten years younger. Take photo now. In ten years, you are same. Is a promise.
Me (taking paper Dr JC hands me): Oh, is this for me?
Dr JC: For you! I am doctor in San Francisco (points to paper where it declares he is a doctor in San Francisco). Many secrets of health! Am in front of Cin�ma Gaumont!

I took his TEN-PAGE manifesto home with me and read the first three pages out loud to The Boy. The excitement in our house was incredible. I had Jacky Chan's manifesto. Oh, and I know... he doesn't spell Jackie Chan correctly. But I am remaining true to his real spelling.

Regardless, there are a few things to know:

1. JC knows about lots of things the FBI and CIA do NOT want us to know about. They are well-kept secrets, but Jacky Chan is here to bust them open.
2. That Egyptian airline that went down? The FBI was behind it. Oh yeah.
3. Monica Lewinsky? Totally the FBI/CIA. Bringing down Clinton, yo.
4. Jacky Chan himself? Living in exile, because of the FBI/CIA

So... I am going to work my way through his ten-page single-spaced, totally grammatically incorrect and painfully incoherent piece of literature one day. In the meantime, "Dr" Jacky Chan's advice consists of:

1. Eat two bananas per day
2. Eat one orange per day
3. Eat a bowl of rice per day
4. Sweat 2-3 times per week

Apparently, you will always look young. Interesting. I have to say, Dr Jacky Chan did not have a wrinkle on him. So you never know.