Winding Down

I managed to always turn away from the computer screen when my eyes started crossing or words just stopped coming to me. I would put away the book when I realized I was reading without retaining. I have even done some yoga and breathing exercises daily to keep myself calm and focused.

But I think the real key is that I have managed to rarely give in to the temptation to just pretend I didn't have a huge paper due in the near future. When I did so, it was at predefined times and for predetermined limits.

Exceptionally, two days ago, I was in Kathypath's neighborhood and gave her a ring to see if she was available for a coffee. She was, so we met up downstairs and went to a local joint.

It was still morning - not yet 11 - and the air was fresh. The sun was coming up and there was a pleasant mixture of morning air and warm sunshine. I had on a scarf and short sleeves - staying warm but letting my skin feel the sun. We both agreed we could potentially stay on that caf� terrace for hours. We sat and gabbed and drank our coffees until a bit past noon, and then we gave in to the call of an afternoon glass of wine. The terrace was seducing me, slowly but surely, and Kathypath was feeling it, too. But the incredible and wonderful thing was that we stopped after one glass, and I went home and put in a good six hours on my paper.

I think I've learned a lot about my ability to work. I've always cranked out things all at once, and I thought for sure I would do the same this time around. Yet, after the initial 30 pages, I worked very methodically, and I never actually stressed about finishing the thing on time. I just plugged away - some days writing five pages, others three.

I know my friends haven't seen very much of me lately, and I thank them for being understanding. I hope they would also agree that I've been surprisingly mellow about this endeavor... besides that freak-out moment over the single-space/double-space issue, I've felt pretty chill throughout this entire project.

Now just watch everything go to hell tomorrow at the copy place.

Anyway, I feel good. Satisfied and even a little proud. I swear I have some carpal tunnel syndrom issues going on - last night my right hand kept cramping up. But otherwise, there's little physical evidence of the stress a paper can bring on, and I'm content to say that that might be because I've never been freakishly stressed about this thing in the first place.

As a matter of fact, I feel a little Wonder Woman-y about the whole deal.

So there. I'm coming into the home stretch now. I'm calm and peaceful, and I hope tomorrow I can just glide into the office and right back out again, riding this quietly happy little wave of achievement. I so rarely stop to pat myself on the back, but this time I can at least give myself credit for this paper's process, if not the product. And even at that, I'm pretty much ok with the paper, too.

That said, I will never, ever put myself through this again.