Edgy giddiness or giddy edginess

13 pages to go, everybody. 13!!!

Here's what I am realizing: when I write this damn paper, things just go along dandily for a moment. Then, suddenly, and without warning (there was a TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE SUN!) (tell me you recognize that), I just can't write anymore.

Plus, I get a little weird and I feel like I'm all amped up on caffeine. That would be how I feel right now. I almost feel like I should go for a midnight (midnight-forty, actually) jog around the block. There is definetly an excess energy issue, a lack of being able to harnass it for any sort of good. I can't sit still and my brain goes shooting in seven different directions. I don't even have the patience to listen to a song all the way through. Poor Nina.

I don't really think I have any sort of ADD or anything (considering I work for six hours straight before the insanity hits) but it makes me able to empathize with those who do. It's just so annoying, and I would really LIKE to be able to concentrate, but um... no. Not gonna happen.

But hey! I'm so close to finishing this colossal project that has been hanging over my head for a freakin' YEAR. I can almost taste the relief.

On Sunday, I am shoving the entire thing in the face of my poor French friend who didn't know what he was getting into when he said he would correct my grammar. Bless his overly generous soul. After that, however, I will be more or less home free.

My best friend from high school, Fredericka (not her real name), believes in manifesting things. I'm not sure how it works exactly, like if there's an actual technique to it, but I get the general sense: think of things, believe they'll come to you or eventually happen, and they will.

So I am manifesting the glorious moment next week when I hand in my damn thesis and am FREEEEEEEEE!!! I'm envisioning my teacher's inbox meeting my thesis with its freshly-bound pages, perhaps in a paper envelope for protective purposes. I am seeing myself dropping off the thing at the correct, totally arbitrary hours that his office is open. And then I am manifesting the gurgling, bubbling, uncontrollable giddiness that will erupt from my chest as I walk out of the Sorbonne empty-handed. I am manifesting the bottle of champagne I will drink with my friends in celebration, and the quiet calm that will overcome me the next day when I realize that my life is actually MINE again, and I can live freely like everyone else.

It will happen. Oh yes, it will.

And afterwards, I will promptly organize my record collection. It's been driving me crazy for at least two weeks.