Poopy

I have to get tested for gluten intolerance, and the best way to do so is to send your poop to the lab.

This is a little unconventional, I realize, but it's all in the name of medecine.

So here's the dilemna. I have to send my poop - which is now safely in a lab container, sealed and then taped for security - to the lab tomorrow via express shipping. Until then, I have to keep it frozen.

Ok, so it's already rather degrading to have to poop into a plastic lab container. It's equally as belittling to have to seal the container and tape it up. But I think the freezing-of-my-poop has brough me to a new low.

In a normal house, poop freezing would probably be no big deal. Just plunk the poop right into the freezer, making sure to keep the ice cream far to the right.

Our problem, however, is that our freezer is inaccessible. It gets whatever that snowy, icy crap is that freezers sometimes get, except it takes over our entire freezer within three days, creating a freezer-wide chunk of impenetrable ice. I have a defrosting party every summer, emptying the fridge and leaving the door open for two or three days, letting the sumer heat eventually melt the massive block of ice.

Unfortunately, there's no summer heat and I don't have a couple of days to keep the door open. I really need the freezer today. I was hoping it would get below freezing tonight, and I would just use my windowsill as my "freezer," no de-frosting necessary. But alas, Paris is having an unusually warm winter, and no forecast goes below 7�C for this evening. If I were to be able to send my poop first thing in the morning, I wouldn't care, but I work until 14.00 tomorrow, so the poop isn't going anywhere before 16.00. That shit needs to get frozen in the meantime.

And really, do you know? Nothing feels more pathetic than sitting in front of your freezer for two hours, holding a book in one hand and a blow-dryer in the other, hoping to clear enough space in your broken, crap-ass freezer to keep your poop in it overnight.

Even worse? I can't even take a shower when this whole fiasco is over.

I swear, one day I will have a house that functions.