The Boy and I just finished reading Genesis (as in the first book of the Bible). I told my parents they hadn't done a proper job of raising me, because I can never answer any Bible questions on "Jeopardy!" If I'm going to get by in the second Bush empire, I need to at least pass for a quasi-Christian, and I've got a lot of catching up to do.
The Boy was an altar boy in his mom's Catholic church, so he knew all the stories as a young lad. But when he walked in on the pastor fucking the nun one day, he decided that everybody at the church was a two-faced liar, and promptly forgot all the stories and who begat who and what not.
I decided to take matters into my own hands and buy us a Bible. We already had one that some Mormon guy at The Boy's mom's church gave him, but the writing is so small and I can't keep my attention span going if there aren't any pictures. I also bought some sort of Hey-I'm-Young-Hip-and-Christian Bible because I thought the dumbed down language would help me stay focused, but even that didn't work. In the end, "La Bible Illustr� pour gar�ons et filles" was my saviour (The Illustrated Bible for Boys and Girls).
I read the first part alone last night, but read a whole lot more this morning.
Here's when you know you've found somebody really special:
"Hey, I'm gonna read Genesis to you now, ok?" (as he's waking from his sleep)
"No, I don't want to hear it..." he says, face still smushed against the pillow.
"Yeah you do. I'm already past Adam and Eve, and Noah and his arc, so we're moving on to Abraham and Sarah, mmkay?"
"..."
Fifteen minutes later, The Boy interrupts me, "Wait, just stop reading for a second."
"Ok," I say, figuring he's had enough, and surprised he hadn't been sleeping the whole time.
There is a reflective pause, and then he says, "So, what I don't understand is, if Jacob was the bad brother, why do we only hear about him for the rest of the book? Shouldn't God be favoring Esau? Technically, Jacob's the liar and the one who resorted to dirty tricks. Why are we on his side? I mean, Esau comes back briefly, but..."
And we spent the next hour or so reading (still from a children's bible, but no matter) and discussing some of the strange things. I might go to hell for wondering why there's so much incest, but um... there's a lot of it. What's up with that? And what about the brief mentioning of Ismael, son of Abraham and some slave, who went on to lead the Arabs? Could I get some more details please? And anyway, this is all taking place in the modern-day Middle East and Egypt. Why are all the pictures in the book of blond people?
We had a good time. Tomorrow's Exodus. I'm gonna be so up to speed soon, I'll be itchin' for the "The Bible" category in "Jeopardy!" when I go home.
Leave a comment