Again. Intense.

So Wednesday was the chance encounter with a former "enemy" of sorts. We resolved things, or at least I feel we did. One peg down.

Thursday was ten hours spent with The Boy's former girlfriend and her family. That meant over ten babies, several little kids, and lots and lots of Belgians. Mind you, ex-girlfriends are always rather sensitive subjects. But when the ex is also the mother of your man's child, it obviously complicates the issue quite a bit.

Going into it, my main feeling was that I wanted resolution on my relationship with his ex. Let me explain:

Last time we had met - almost three years ago - I wasn't doing so well emotionally (this was long before the days of this web site). The Boy and I were going through a rocky period, I didn't know what I was doing with my life, and I was wondering why the hell I was staying in France for a school career I wasn't sure of and a man I was constantly fighting with.

So, feeling that way, when The Boy suggested we take the train up to see Angie and Daniel - her boyfriend of six years - and hang with the kids (one being A and The Boy's and one being A and D's), I had said yes more out of duty than out of any sort of desire to go see them.

To this day, I still don't know what went wrong. Everyone was snappy. I got tears in my eyes at the way Angie spoke to me on several occasions. The Boy was being cold and distant. The only person who made the weekend worthwhile was Daniel, who was nothing but nice to me. I couldn't understand why the two people who should want everything to go as smoothly as possible were also the only ones who seemed to want to make an already difficult situation more difficult, while Daniel and I were the ones trying to make everyone get along and play nice.

Looking back, I realize that maybe I was also somewhat too sensitive, and that maybe I had misread things because I was rather insecure about the whole thing. Or maybe I didn't appreciate that Angie might have just not liked having a new girl in the picture and was having a hard time with it herself.

Whatever the problem, I had resolved to make this time count. I'm doing so much better, in so many ways, than I was the last time we hung out. My main purpose in going to see them yesterday was just to clear whatever foul air was hanging between us since our last encounter several years ago.

Oddly, I think she must have felt the same. I can't explain what happened. There was a definite, almost palpable, change in dynamic between the two of us. We got along, we laughed, we made jokes. She never once made any of the underhanded, sneaky comments she had made last time. She seemed open and kindhearted, unlike our last visit when she had come off as a cold, manipulative bitch.

But the really important moment was when the family decided to take a walk to the local park. We walked away from the rest of the crowd, and she began talking to me about her relationship with The Boy: why it wouldn't have ever worked, why she's happy to see that he's with someone who is better for him, how she can look back and realize how immature they both were. And while I might not have appreciated hearing some of the details about their sex life, I was glad to hear the rest. I told her a little bit about how things are between us, she gave me some advice. I felt that for the first time, we spoke to each other as friends, and that really, really, meant a lot to me. And honestly, I could see how we could be friends, now that I know her better. That's a great feeling.

It's funny: when confronted with uncomfortable situaitons, we still have the same fight or flight mechanism as we do when in the face of life-threatening danger. The last two days have given me the chance to face some of my fears, to talk to people I had some serious problems with. In both cases, I had honestly felt that I was being mistreated for no reason. While I still stick to that today, I also recognize that clamming up and shutting the offenders out of my life was not necessarily the best way to handle the situation, either. Amazingly, by opening myself up a bit, both situations are considerably better now than they were 48 hours ago.

I'm just so happy to not have those dark clouds hanging over my head.