That's the title someone gave to a topic on the other web site I work on from time to time.
I think this is an important issue: how can one be a bitch when one grows up her (and I really think this is a female problem) whole life learning to be nice, docile, and pleasant?
Sure, some people may argue to the contrary, but I really am a pretty nice person. And although I think "nice" is probably the most boring adjective in the dictionary to describe someone (always the easy way out - "So, what'd you think of Carol?" "Oh, she seems really nice." Does that mean a damn thing?), I'll still use it to desribe myself. Last week, somebody dropped their freshly-bought tickets in the Fnac, and I ran after him, dodging through crowds until I found him, and said, "I'm sorry, sir, I believe these are yours." Would an evil person do that?
No. I also help old ladies get stuff of the high shelves in the grocery store, ask tourists if they need help finding streets, and generally try to make waiters and waitresses jobs more pleasant by being a friendly and easygoing customer. But the fact of the matter is that sometimes in life you have to be mean. It's been a hard road travelled to get to the point where I can say that without flinching.
And sadly, in France, the power of The Bitch is even more important than back in the States. On the other side of the Atlantic, niceness can occasionally get you somewhere. Here, it only gets you screwed.
So recently, I've embraced The Inner Bitch. I don't know what it is, but all my life, I thought I should keep her locked up in the very depths of my soul, never letting her out unless absolutely necessary. Maybe I thought people would fear that, deep down, I'm not nice (oh no!). Or that, possibly, I have a slightly dark side (God forbid!). And even worse, that maybe my niceness isn't 100% genuine, 100% of the time (gasp!). But the truth is, you know what? Deep down, I know I'm a good person, despite my dark (ok, slightly gray) side. And plus, nobody is 100% nice 100% of the time. The only people like that are those who have scary, plastic smiles painted on their faces and host morning talk shows. I'm not like that. And anyway, who really gives a shit about coming across as being nice? I'd much rather come across as any of a host of more wortwhile adjectives: elegant, phenomenal, hilarious, together, badass. Anything more enticing than "nice."
But moreover, what I've come to realize in the last two days is that, WOW, that Inner Bitch of mine can be pretty effective when she wants to. I finally got pushed to my limits (and believe me, I give a lotta leeway in these sorts of things) when it came to my job, after getting pushed around a fair amount. Today, after weeks of waiting for a response from The Powers That Be, I finally got down and dirty, leaving a pretty pissed off message on a certain someone's answering machine. Only hours later, I got a call-back. And sure, it was full of excuses, and yeah, it was all bullshit, but the fact of the matter is that I know it was my Inner Bitch who brought forth the immediate reaction from my boss. If I hadn't let The IB out of her cage, I think I'd still be quietly whimpering at home, wondering why I wasn't getting the respect I deserve.
So I'm gonna make a concentrated effort to let The Inner Bitch out more often. If I feel her knocking at the door, I'm just gonna open it and watch her strut, shaking her ass on the way. We'll see what kind of havoc ensues.
And now, as I like to be on a first-name basis with all things in my life (my plants, my former coffee machine, the bums on my street, various parts of my body), I think the Inner Bitch needs her own name, especially considering she and I are buds now. Any suggestions?