Monday Mission 3.18

1. Are there any confrontations you have been avoiding that you know you will eventually have to deal with? What's that all about?

Yes, most certainly. Sometimes I avoid confrontation because it's honestly better for everyone involved. And sometimes I avoid it because I don't really know how to go about it, and so instead all I do is let it eat me away from the inside. For both of those cases, I have corresponding stories.

I'm actually more confrontational now that I have a boyfriend who honestly doesn't get the whole I-have-feelings thing sometimes. He's taught me to voice my discontent, which is actually an incredibly valuable lesson that I am grateful for - even if I wish I had learned it for other reasons.

2. When was the last time you surprised yourself by being more brave than you ever thought you could be?

I can't answer that on the site without upsetting some people close to me, but I would say it was two or three months ago. I surprise myself in small ways every day (like when I didn't take any shit from that old lady behind me in line at the grocery store today) but I really surprised myself a lot just a few months ago.

3. You know that sickly feeling you get when are speeding and out of the corner of your eye you realize you just passed a hidden police car? It is that "deer-caught-in-the-headlights" feeling, where you are so busted there is no way out. When was the last time you were in a situation like that?

I don't remember. I don't drive, so that's out. I haven't gotten in trouble with the law since I stopped driving. I haven't talked shit about any of my friends, teachers, or schoolmates, so that's not an option. This is making me sound like a little angel. Really, I don't remember.

4. One of the things I've had to do recently, is clean out my attic. I have an amazing amount of things I've collected over the years, and I am almost embarrassed that I still have so much of it. I realized that I may as well sell it, since it does me no good in the attic, and when I die, my family will probably sell it for a dollar a pound at a garage sale anyway. May as well enjoy the money now. Do you have any things stored away that you just can't get rid of but will probably of no sentimental value to anyone once you are gone? Why do we hang on to that stuff? Do you think you could sell or auction it off?

Well, when I moved to France I got rid of the majority of that shit. I had sooo much crap. I was a professional crap collector, in all honesty. This is most likely associated with my love of clutter. At any rate, when I moved here, my full apartment in California and my bedroom back at my parents' house was reduced to two small office-file-sized boxes. They are in the attic at my parents' and are mainly filled with photographs and diaries. I think those will probably mean something to people once I'm gone.

As for the CRAP I have managed to collect over here, in all honesty I have made loads of progress since my California days in terms of the sheer amount of it. I simply can't hang on to stuff here because my apartment is too small. I still have some, but I believe my progress can be seen by the simple fact that I no longer have a "junk drawer" (because I only have four drawers, and every drawer counts!) nor do I throw crap under my bed (I have a low futon...no space for crap, just collapsable suitcases). Progress, my friend. Progress.

Were I ever to move away from France, though, I would hold one helluva book sale, that's for damn sure.

5. I've become the resident Handler at the house. Got bugs? Call me! Flies, ants, spiders, I'm your man. Vomit? Dog Poo? Toilet overflow? Yep, I get it all clean. Not much bothers me in that area, and I am glad really to be someone you can rely on. But the one thing that does make me squirm are injuries. Stitches, incisions, bloody puss-laden bandages, heavily scabbed areas, all that just about does me in. What are some of the things you have a strong stomach for, and what are some of the things that can turn your stomach?

I'm the opposite: personal injuries and blood don't really bother me. I got an introduction to that when a hammer fell on my head when I was seven (someday a story to be told here), as well as when my boyfriend got into a motorcycle accident two years ago and I had literally pull chunks of road out of his arm. Good thing he was on painkillers; I'm no nurse.

But puke. I literally start shaking at the sight of it. When I hear people throwing up, my heart starts beating quickly and I get all clammy. I'm hoping that I won't get morning sickness when I'm pregnant, and that baby puke will warm me up for the real deal so that I'm not a freak case when my kids get the flu. Baby puke for some reason doesn't bother me at all. It's once the kid starts hacking up chunks that I get all floppy and woozy feeling.

6. I am at the point where I am going to have to make some tough decisions about the future of this blog. I think this sort of moment comes to all bloggers at some point. For me, I am not very good at managing my obsessions (read as: things I enjoy passionately). Eventually they get too much focus and something that once was good begins to impact my life in negative ways. Something's got to give. Have you ever been involved in an experience that started out as something good and enjoyable but eventually became destructive and bad for your health (mentally or physically)?

Drugs. (I really hope my parents aren't reading this, but if they are, know that I haven't touched the stuff in a looong time.)

7. Do you believe in evolution or creationism or something else?

I believe in evolution in that off-hand way that most people do. As in, yes, natural selection makes sense, and sure, we could have come from the sea. I'm no expert though. If I start to think about this type of thing too much, it really trips me out. I have enough trouble dealing with my bank account.

PS It occured to me after posting that it's now actually Tuesday (1.35 am) but just go with me here, everybody.