The sun has been out all day. Boy and I are sitting outside; I'm having coffee, he's having beer. The girls next to us are having too much make-up with their omelettes. Another girl walks in front of the cafe terrace in fashionable, yet ugly pants. Pointy shoes are discussed at length. A group of young boys drive by in their car, music up load, sneaker-covered feet sticking out the windows. Boy re-teaches me the word for "strutting one's stuff" or "pimping" or, if you prefer the Tupac reference, "(picture me) rollin." The Americans at the other side of the cafe are speaking so loudly that my side of the cafe knows everything about how Cheryl makes apple pie. Sandy prefers a different method - something about the sugar she uses. Boy mentions that another woman walking by has a flat ass, and I call her a pancake. Pancakes are explained - like crepes but fatter, and without all that good stuff in between. Why would you want to eat that? Well, see, you eat them with butter and syrup. Or if you're me, with butter and sugar. So it's like a butter and sugar crepe? No, not really. But close. A boy rollerblades by and falls, in the exact same spot I fell in front of that same overcrowded cafe terrace last summer. He seems far less bothered by his fall, and in fact is already halfway down the street. Kids bounce back. Adults don't. The proof when it comes to changing fashion:
Him: Do you see those pants? That's the fashion this year.
Me: I know, it's all over the stores. My brother calls them pirate pants.
Him: It looks like that girl has shit in her pants and all the shit is has collected around her ankles.
Me: That's gross. I'll just keep calling them pirate pants.
Him: Ok, I'll call them shit pants. Look at her boyfriend. Do you think he finds those shit pants sexy?
Me: I hope so.
Him: What the hell is he thinking? Who wants to be with a girl who looks like she's just shit her pants?
* * *
Him: Have you noticed that guys are wearing girly sneakers nowadays?
Me: Girly?
Him: Yeah. Sneakers are usually kinda chunky. Like Air Jordans. But now they're wearing these fantastical spangly things - orange with red strips and green laces. And they're small, with thin material. That's not very masculine.
Me: Well, that's the fashion, I guess. But it's uni-sex, both guys and girls can wear them.
Him: Guys shouldn't wear them. It makes them look like pansies.
* * *
Him (two hours later): You know, this afternoon has made it pretty clear to me that I am no longer fashionable. I've been wearing the same shirt and sweater for the last two years. My sneakers are the same that I have had since you met me. I would never date a girl with those poofy, shit-holding pants.
Me: That's not a bad thing.
Him: Yeah, but when I was eighteen girls used to always check me out. I was stylish. But now I don't care about style. And so the girls don't check me out anymore.
Me: That's not a bad thing.
Him: You're the only one who checks me out.
Me: That's not a bad thing.
tell him a pancake is a cross between cake and a crepe.
And link to something with these shit-holding pants (BWA!). I really want to see what you're talking about!
Kari - I looked for a link to the shit-holding pants. But the shit holding pants totally don't describe it correctly, I have no idea where he came up with that. Far better is Jay's description of pirate pants (which I have adopted). Basically they look like pants pirates would wear - or people would wear at a renaissance fair. They're loose and then come down and are pulled tight just above the ankle, creating a poof of sorts. Jay said the fashion hadn't hit NY yet, but it's all over Paris this year. It's truly hideous.
I've seen people wearing those pants in LA. Aren't they the ones with a cord at the ankle that you can either pull tight (creating the poof) or wear loos and hanging? If so, I think they look silly, especially when they are are tied tight.
Dawn - those are TOTALLY the pants. So I guess they've hit LA. They're spreading around the world like SARS. Ok, bad joke. But those pants are taking OVER.
Lee, I don't think your trackback's working. I pinged this entry, but the trackback link doesn't show up below...
I love Docs. Hell I even love the club foot ones a couple or so sizes small. Walk the mall, bitch. Man Will he get it tonight.
Dyles are in Holland and she beat the crap out of him when he stuck his finger in the hole. Little bastard.
My favorit Docs are the double strap t-bars. they look like a dick straped down. Oh! I'm a gonna have fun tonight, Can't say same for him.
Who are these people?
(I'm leaving it up there for comedic effect.)
I've never heard of those pants, I guess they havent come to NY yet. I think I know what your talking about though. I love air jordans, not only boys wear them.