After perusing Nordstorm's online last night with my sister (it's crazy - we're nine hours apart but we manage to unite online to go shopping), I have compiled a list of five never-should-have-happened, what-the-hell-were-they-thinking fashion trends of 2002. Links lead to pop-ups, visuals for those who have no idea what the hell I am talking about. I want this list to be complete, so feel free to add to the list in the comments (I will later revise this entry to include everything).
1. The One Strap: This can either be a shirt or a dress, often worn by the same girls that jumped on the black pant bandwagon in 2000. I know you're probably a sorority girl, but do you really want to wear a shirt inspired by a 1980's Barbie swimsuit? May I remind you that the highest selling Barbie doll in history is 1992's "Big Hair" Barbie. Should we all start emulating that, as well?
2. Pointy Clown Shoes: Be they boot or pump, they are not to be worn. For those of us that are size 11 (not me, of course), this is just a funny funny idea. Are people trying to make their feet look big? I tried these on once at the request of the young, hip shoe saleswoman helping me at Nordstrom's. Mom and I just started laughing uproariously once I had them on. My feet practically touched the Ohio-Michigan border.
3. Rennaisance Gear: weren't those people that wore these shirts considered freaks in high school? And wasn't that judgement based on the fact that they were wearing friggin' Rennaissance shirts? How did this horrible fashion idea not only fight its freaky stigma, but somehow manage to become semi-mainstream?
4. The Sleeves: Sleeves are meant to be boring. They cover our boring arms. Keep them boring, or wear a tank top.
5. The Ruffles: Somewhat along the line of #3, the ruffles are just a little over the top. At first, the diagonal cuts and slight ruffle at the bottom of some skirts and dresses was sort of cute. But excessive use of this trend, as well as its increase in ruffledness and diagonal cuttedness makes it trashworthy. Please put it in your Goodwill pile. Now.
So there you have it. Please send me any other suggestions, perhaps with accompanying photos (or links to them), so that I can ameliorate this list. I know there are other fashion no-no's out there. This is just the start.
Meanwhile, I must share this picture I found while trying to find the Barbie swimsuit in question in #1 (I have a photo of it in my "A History of Barbie" book - but I don't have a scanner. If someone stumbles upon a pic of that pink swimsuit, send it along. It will make the case against the One-Strap so much stronger), I had the displeasure of investigating several doll collector's sites. At on of them, I found a picture of the freakiest dolls I have ever seen in my entire life.
As a corollary to the One-Strap: the asymmetrical neckline. What is the point of looking lopsided? Or like a early-80's fashion victim? Why not just put the legwarmers back on?
(Speaking of which, I hear they're coming back... legwarmers--check out www.urbanoutfitters.com)
--Stilettos, often combined with the Hell That is The Pointy Toe. Just. No.