A New York Minute

1. New York men seem to like to call me "Baby."
2. They also have the most endearing accent ever. After Scottish men, of course.
3. If you work to get my entire family together for the first time in fifteen years, and you decide to put them all in a pizza joint with beer, you should be sure to give the other customers earplugs.
4. My brother snagged himself one helluva lady.
5. My sister-in-law snagged herself one helluva man.
6. They are the cutest couple. Ever. She is the size of a biscuit.
7. If you give every table at the wedding personal polaroid cameras with photo assignments ("most unlikely couple," "best use of flowers," "creative accesories" etc), nudity will ensue.
8. The younger sister of the groom (four years younger, mind you), never appreciates hearing "You're next!" or "So when is your wedding?" She especially doesn't appreciate hearing it from unmarried older relatives. Nor does she appreciate hearing it for the third time. Or the fourth, fifth, sixth, or seventh. The sly smiles should also be avoided. You weren't the first person to think of that.
9. When the unmarried younger sister has been lying in bed the entire day of the wedding with the chills and a spinning stomach, she can still have a good time at the evening ceremony and the reception. She cannot eat and drinks little, but can still manage to enjoy herself. The following morning, when her condition is worse, know that her greenish hue is not due to excessive partying. And know that she would rather be crumpled up in the fetal position in bed than watching people eat their breakfasts. And finally, know that wisecracks like, "Looks like someone had a bit too much fun last night" would only be mildly appreciated had they any grain of truth in them, and are just annoying when the truth is just that she has a stomach flu of sorts. She would rather be hungover than just plain sick.
10. If you get fake nails for a wedding, be forewarned that typing becomes a bit of a challenge afterwards.
11. New York City has about 7.236 million American flags throughout its busy streets.
12. Barnes and Noble in no way shape or form rivals Borders. And rock music should never be played at high volume in bookstores.
13. Nothing makes my mom happier than dancing at her children's weddings.
14. The New York Public Library has to be the most beautiful building in the city.
15. CNN is not exactly presenting objective journalism when anything having to do with Iraq falls under the dramatically announced subheading "Showdown Iraq"
16. "Sweet Home Alabama" is a dreadful movie.
17. New Yorkers are nice. No matter what people say.
18. Avoid telling paranoid people that the street our hotel is on has been blocked off because of bomb threats at the train station across the street from the hotel.
19. Older people will leave the dance floor when the DJ starts playing rap music.
20. If you have been filling nauseous for the past two days and decide to get on an airplane going overseas, take two Tylenol PMs. The first hour of the flight will be hell, but you'll sleep through the rest.